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Many people nowadays do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out. what are the reasons and what can be done to solve this problems? v.2

Many people nowadays do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out. what are the reasons and what can be done to solve this problems? v. 2
Nowadays, In the newspaper and in news on T. V, So many news are about the crime and robberies at so many houses even in the afternoon. News like, Old man has been killed by a thief and also ornaments and cash of lakes has been stolen by robbers. Besides that, Also ATM and Bank have been stolen by the group of criminals. So, From that the people are afraid and do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out. Firstly, Everyday in the social media and news headlines are starting from that, That 2 or 3 girls were raped yesterday in these places from the group of rapist and many more. After that time, The young girls and lady are afraid to go outside from their houses for purpose to go to shop, buy vegetables at the market and a lot more. Furthermore, The cases of robbery from shops, houses, banks, ATM, and so many other places that people denied to go there because of in their mind phobia is generated for these cases. Therefore, they afraid to leave their own home or at their workplace too. These scenarios are very bad for so many people and children who passes through these kind of situation. Moreover, Gang of bikers concentrates on the lady and rob them to put on their back at sharp knife and grab their ornaments like gold chains and silver rings and cash on their bags and so on. This puts a fear in their mind to not go outside for another time. On the other hand, The foremost reason for the increase crime rates are the unemployment. The government should take strict action on that. also, the security and police force is not operate their work heavily and carry things very light and lazy. So I suggest to solve these problems are first to put the cameras in each and every single society and shops to reduce the crime rate. Secondly, create a secret special force to investigate this gangs. Take strict action against them and also to decrease the stories for the rape, Teach children in their schools on sex education. There for they learn about these things in early stage and protect them. Lastly, Open free coaching for the self defence for women and girls. To conclude, I suggest people take strict actions against them and not afraid of them anymore. Download the SOS app in your mobile phones for your safety. Learn self defence and from that person gain confidence back and not afraid anymore. These are the reasons and solution for this problem, according to my knowledge.
Nowadays, In the newspaper and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on T. V,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are about the crime and robberies at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
even in the afternoon.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
like,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has
been killed
by a thief and
also
ornaments and cash of lakes has
been stolen
by robbers.
Besides
that,
Also
ATM and Bank have
been stolen
by the group of criminals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, From that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
afraid
and do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out.

Firstly
,
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
Everyday
in the social media and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
headlines are starting from that, That 2 or 3 girls
were raped
yesterday in these places from the group of rapist and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. After that time, The young girls and lady are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
afraid
to go outside from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for purpose to go to shop,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
vegetables at the market and a lot more.
Furthermore
, The cases of robbery from shops,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, banks, ATM, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other places that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'denied' is used with the gerund form: "denied going".
denied to go
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of in their mind phobia
is generated
for these cases.
Therefore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
afraid
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home or at their workplace too. These scenarios are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and children who
Did you mean "pass"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
passes
through
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of situation.
Moreover
, Gang of bikers concentrates on the lady and rob them to put on their back at sharp knife and grab their ornaments like gold chains and silver rings and cash on their bags and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This puts a fear in their mind to not go outside for another time.

On the other hand
, The foremost reason for the increase crime rates are the unemployment. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take strict action on that.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
, the security and police force is not operate their work
heavily
and carry things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
light and lazy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
The verb 'suggest' is used with the gerund form: "suggest solving".
suggest to solve
these problems are
first
to put the cameras in each and every single society and shops to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the crime rate.
Secondly
, create a secret special force to investigate this gangs. Take strict action against them and
also
to decrease the stories for the rape, Teach children in their schools on sex education. There for they learn about these things in early stage and protect them.
Lastly
, Open free coaching for the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self defence
for women and girls.

To conclude
, I suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take strict actions against them and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
afraid
of them anymore. Download the SOS app in your mobile phones for your safety. Learn
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self defence
and from that person gain confidence back and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
afraid
anymore. These are the reasons and solution for this problem, according to my knowledge.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people nowadays do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out. what are the reasons and what can be done to solve this problems? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
440 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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