Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People these days work hard to buy more. This has made life more entertaining and comfortable in many ways, but it also demands a lot of time and energy. Discuss whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this trend. You should write AT LEAST 250 words. v.1

People these days work hard to buy more. This has made life more entertaining and comfortable in many ways, but it also demands a lot of time and energy. Discuss whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this trend. v. 1
In this fast-paced consumer society, people often work over 60 hours a week to pay for their needs and wants. Millions of individuals opt to spend their time at work rather than with family and friends so they can increase the quality and quantity of goods and services they buy. This has a major impact on their personal and social lives. The benefits of working more to purchase more are greater than the deficits as this situation empowers individuals for better experiences and less stress. Earning more money leads to a comfortable and luxurious lifestyle which demands more hours at the office. While it is true that having expensive objects and experience decreases time with family and friends, as it requires more work, the overall quality of life is greater and therefore enjoyed more. In the end, the satisfaction that a person gets from life is more important than the total amount of time. For instance, a businessman may only have two weeks of vacation in the year to spend in Hawaii with their family and all amenities, but arguably, this is better than a one-month vacation spent at home watching TV as there is no money for plane tickets or hotels. This is one reason the advantages of working to more to buy more are preferable. Thus, it is clear that working more leads to greater life satisfaction. Having more money enables individuals to decrease the number of problematic situations in life which results in a higher level of confidence and peace-of-mind. Those people who work hard to have lots of disposable income can afford not only expensive vacations but also costly medical bills and highly nutritious foods. The businessman on vacation in Hawaii does not need to stress about injuring himself while surfing, as he can afford the medical costs; while the man watching TV at home, maybe quite concerned in case of an accident. In conclusion, working harder and longer gives people the opportunities to maximize their life experiences while decreasing their worries. Therefore, it is clear that the merits of working more outweigh the disadvantages. Ultimately, life is about the quality of experiences and not necessarily the quantity, as nobody truly knows the amount of time they have on earth.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced consumer society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
over 60 hours a week to pay for their needs and wants. Millions of individuals opt to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than with family and friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can increase the quality and quantity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. This has a major impact on their personal and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more are greater than the deficits as this situation empowers individuals for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Earning more money leads to a comfortable and luxurious lifestyle which demands more hours at the office. While it is true that having expensive objects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
decreases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family and friends, as it requires more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the
overall
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is greater and
therefore
enjoyed more. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the satisfaction that a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the total amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, a businessman may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have two weeks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
in the year to spend in Hawaii with their family and all amenities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
arguably
, this is better than a one-month
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
spent at home watching TV as there is no money for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
tickets or hotels. This is one reason the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
to more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more are preferable.

Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more leads to greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
satisfaction.

Having more money enables individuals to decrease the number of problematic situations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which results in a higher level of confidence and peace-of-mind. Those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to have lots of disposable income can afford not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
costly medical bills and
highly
nutritious foods. The businessman on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
in Hawaii does not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
about injuring himself while surfing, as he can afford the medical costs; while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
watching TV at home, maybe quite concerned in case of an accident.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
harder and longer gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the opportunities to maximize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
while decreasing their worries.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more outweigh the disadvantages.
Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is about the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and not
necessarily
the quantity, as nobody
truly
knows the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they have on earth.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People these days work hard to buy more. This has made life more entertaining and comfortable in many ways, but it also demands a lot of time and energy. Discuss whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this trend. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
374 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts