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"People spend too much time on personal enjoyment - doing the things they like to do -rather than doing things they should do". agree or disagree v.2

"People spend too much time on personal enjoyment - doing the things they like to do -rather than doing things they should do". agree or disagree v. 2
Yes, I totally agree on this point that, " People spend too much time on perosnal enjoyment - doing the things they like to do -rather than doing things they should do" . Now a days everybody are selfish. They one think about their self. They don' t want do any things for their society or country. They forgot their responsibilities regarding their country. They only remember their rights. There are some examples which are well support to my opinion. First of all the people from the higher class ( very good in eoconomical condition), which spend their whole time on personal enjoyment. They never show any interest to help the poor people. For example the children of the higher society class enjoy every weekend late night party. They spend lot of money to arrange such jamboore parties. They used their parents money to enjoyment. Instead of doing the study or job they enjoy thier life. This age is to learn and to earn something but they spoile their life. Why? Because they spend their perosnal time to enjoyment not for learing or earing. The next things is that, the people who belongs to the film industry spend lot of money on their personal enjoyment or the luxury. For example the the most bankable actress Dipika Padukon, who through a party bash for all film industries people to celebrate her success. However instead of throughing a party she can arrange a health camp for poor people. She gives the importance to her life than other life. She likes to spend herself with personal enjoyment. As it all do. Nobody comeforward to do the things that they should do. Finally, I must say that now a days everybody get selfish. They forgot their responsibilities. They only like to enjoy with what they like to do. Because of all of above mentioned reasons I support this statement, " People spend too much time on perosnal enjoyment - doing the things they like to do -rather than doing things they should do" .
Yes, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on this point that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
perosnal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the things they like to do -
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things they should
Possible spelling mistake found.
do&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Did you mean "nowadays"?
Now a days
everybody
The pronoun 'everybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
selfish. They one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their self. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
Probably a preposition is missing after 'want'.
want do
any things for their society or country.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
forgot their responsibilities regarding their country.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
remember their rights.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples which are well support to my opinion.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
eoconomical
condition), which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
. They never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
any interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
the children of the higher society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
enjoy every weekend late night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
money to arrange such
Possible spelling mistake found.
jamboore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their parents money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
.
Instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the study or job they enjoy
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This age is to learn and to earn something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
spoile
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Why?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
perosnal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
not for
Possible spelling mistake found.
learing
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
earing
.

The
next
things is that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "belong"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
belongs
to the film industry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
money on their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
or the luxury.
For example
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
most bankable actress
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dipika
Possible spelling mistake found.
Padukon
, who through a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
bash for all film industries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to celebrate her success.
However
instead
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
throughing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
she can arrange a health camp for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. She gives the importance to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. She likes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
herself with personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
. As it all do. Nobody
Possible spelling mistake found.
comeforward
to do the things that they should do.

Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
everybody
The pronoun 'everybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gets", "got".
get
selfish. They forgot their responsibilities. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
like to enjoy with what they like to do.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of all of above mentioned reasons I support this statement,
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
perosnal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the things they like to do -
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things they should
Possible spelling mistake found.
do&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Mistakes

IELTS essay "People spend too much time on personal enjoyment - doing the things they like to do -rather than doing things they should do". agree or disagree v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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