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Nowadays news companies spend a lot of money covering international news. However, local news is more relevant to people’s live and should receive more funding. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. v.5

Nowadays news companies spend a lot of money covering international news. However, local news is more relevant to people’s live and should receive more funding. with this statement. v. 5
Because of the globalization, the world is getting smaller day by day. As a consequence, it is not surprising that international news attracts the attention of more people, and the news organizations are spending a large amount of money after it. Although the situation indicates that international news is getting more preference than local news, I am of the opinion that news agencies should provide enough money to cover local issues thoroughly. Firstly, apart from holidays, most of the people spend majority of their lives living and working in their local community. After passing a hectic working day, everyone is interested to have local news updates. Because it has direct impact on their day to day life, and it will help them to fix their work strategy for the next day. In addition, if the news organization provides up to the minute information to local citizens, it will be helpful for the local citizens to face any unwanted situation. For example, in the road, if any accidents happen, the traffic system will collapse, and there will be long queue of vehicles. So the residents could make up their minds to avoid jams, if they had that particular information. Overall, for the better daily life, local news updates are important. Furthermore, international news stories are generally depressing, full of violence and misery. People could interpret the situation negatively, or they might be obsessed with the ideology that the world is not livable at all. As a result, grudges will come out in a way that will affect the society, i. e. after seeing the American violence in Afganistan, many young people became interested to join Taliban to save Afgans. On the other hand, any positive local news, such as people helping each other in various ways, is enough to lift people’s spirit. In conclusion, while international news is important, news organizations should not overlook local news as it focuses on the interest of the local inhabitants. Furthermore, any encouraging local news is enough to uphold the image of the residents of the particular area. In my view, if news organizations show keen interest on local stories, it will be enough to improve quality of people’s lives.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the globalization, the world is getting smaller day by day. As a consequence, it is not surprising that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
attracts the attention of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
are spending a large amount of money after it. Although the situation indicates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is getting more preference than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
agencies should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
money to cover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
issues
thoroughly
.

Firstly
, apart from holidays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend majority of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
living and working in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community. After passing a hectic working day, everyone
is interested
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
updates.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it has direct impact on their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life, and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their work strategy for the
next
day.
In addition
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
provides
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
up to the minute
information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens, it will be helpful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens to face any unwanted situation.
For example
, in the road, if any accidents happen, the traffic system will collapse, and there will be long
Consider using a past participle here: "queued".
queue
of vehicles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the residents could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up their minds to avoid jams, if they had that particular information.
Overall
, for the better daily life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
updates are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
stories are
generally
depressing, full of violence and misery.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
could interpret the situation
negatively
, or they might
be obsessed
with the ideology that the world is not livable at all.
As a result
, grudges will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out in a way that will affect the society,
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
after seeing the American violence in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Afganistan
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
became interested to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
Taliban to save
Possible spelling mistake found.
Afgans
.
On the other hand
, any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
helping each other in various ways, is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
to lift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
spirit.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
should not overlook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as it focuses on the interest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
inhabitants.
Furthermore
, any encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
to uphold the image of the residents of the particular area. In my view, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
keen interest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
stories, it will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Nowadays news companies spend a lot of money covering international news. However, local news is more relevant to people’s live and should receive more funding. with this statement. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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