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Some people think spending a lot on birthdays and marriage celebrations is a waste of money but others think it is important to the young people and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think spending a lot on birthdays and marriage celebrations is a waste of money but others think it is important to the young people and the society. v. 1
Whether or not to spend the money on special life events, such as birthdays and marriages has become a controversial issue. While some individuals that it is a mere wastage of wealth, others think it is significant to spend on these occasions. This essay intends to delve into both sides of the argument in depth. I, however, opine that a balanced approach should be adopted. To begin with, the advocates of the statement claim that celebrating vital moments of the life has its advantages for the individual and society. Since most of the youth is greatly influenced by the global culture, therefore these celebrations help them to revive their own traditions and cultures and prevent them from forgetting the auspicious customs. For instance, in my country, India, weddings are celebrated with great pomp and show in the presence of all relatives and friends. Thus, certain occasions should be organised so that cultural values may not be lost. On the other hand, the opponents of the perspective argue that extravagant expenditure on these occasions is not justified regardless of its usefulness. Because sometimes in order to please the affluent people, an individual might suffer from excessive debt, which in turn, ultimately enhances stress level. If a person feels under depression, his life and family will eventually be a great sufferer. To cite an example, it has become common in some countries, such as, India to ask for dowry at the time of marriage of a girl child. As a result, in order to fulfil the desire of the groom's family, parents of the bride often take money on the interest rate. Although I certainly agree that the expenditure on celebration of these events revive old rituals, overspending is inappropriate. To conclude, undeniably, society is divided on the way of spending their wealth on the memorable moments. Some consider it as appropriate, whereas others opine that it should not be wasted. Despite distinct opinions I am in favour of using it in a wise manner so that its adverse effects can be avoided.
Whether or not
to spend the money on special life
events
, such as birthdays and marriages has become a controversial issue. While
some
individuals that it is a mere wastage of wealth, others
think
it is significant to spend on these occasions. This essay intends to delve into both sides of the argument in depth. I,
however
, opine that a balanced approach should
be adopted
.

To
begin
with, the advocates of the statement claim that celebrating vital moments of the life has its advantages for the individual and society. Since most of the youth is
greatly
influenced by the global culture,
therefore
these celebrations
help
them to revive their
own
traditions and cultures and
prevent
them from forgetting the auspicious customs.
For instance
, in my country, India, weddings
are celebrated
with great pomp and
show
in the presence of all relatives and friends.
Thus
, certain occasions should be
organised
so
that cultural values may not
be lost
.

On the other hand
, the opponents of the perspective argue that extravagant expenditure on these occasions is not justified regardless of its usefulness.
Because
sometimes
in order to
please
the affluent
people
, an individual might suffer from excessive debt, which in turn,
ultimately
enhances
stress
level. If a person feels under depression, his life and family will
eventually
be a great sufferer. To cite an example, it has become common in
some
countries, such as, India to
ask for
dowry at the time of marriage of a girl child.
As a result
, in order to fulfil the desire of the groom's family, parents of the bride
often
take money on the interest rate. Although I
certainly
agree
that the expenditure on celebration of these
events
revive
old
rituals, overspending is inappropriate.

To conclude
,
undeniably
, society
is divided
on the way of spending their wealth on the memorable moments.
Some
consider it as appropriate, whereas others opine that it should not
be wasted
. Despite distinct opinions I am in
favour
of using it
in a wise manner
so
that its adverse effects can
be avoided
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think spending a lot on birthdays and marriage celebrations is a waste of money but others think it is important to the young people and the society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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