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People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before. Is it a positive or negative development? v.2

People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
These days, It is conceived, that people are spending a lot of money on buying different things as they earn more. I believe this is a negative development. This is because money should be spent on better health care and on investments, which will return income for the future. To start with, being healthy plays a vital role in one's lifestyle. Of late, it is evident that healthy food can be extremely expensive to afford for people, That is to say, the money they earn should be spent wisely on food, which is conducive for better health, and not on things. Apparently, not only is it beneficial to be physically fit and mentally active, but also it opens door for better productivity in daily work and also to be self-reliant in handling tedious tasks. For example, a report by The Guardian suggested that in 2017, Chinese spent their major share of income on their health care, which resulted in lesser disease incidents and higher productivity, consequently, stood top in the world healthy nation ratings. Moreover, rather than spending money on things which would have no return on investment, spending money on potential investments for the future would augur well for the future. In other words, if individuals haven't had investments for their future, they would not have a passive income in their later stage of life, where the income trends would be highly obscure. For instance, a study conducted at the Oxford university stated that individuals who spent their capital on investments earlier tend to be self-sufficient from their income returns now. Therefore, it is evident that using income on purchasing things is not an ideal way to spend money on and conversely, spending on investments which aids in future would be the better way. In conclusion, I am convinced that it is a negative development that people are spending their money on things, which offer no value, as opposed to spending on much productive deeds like physical well-being, and on investments.
These days, It
is conceived
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things as they earn more. I believe this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
health care and on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
, which will return
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for the future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, being healthy plays a vital role in one's lifestyle. Of late, it is evident that healthy food can be
extremely
expensive to afford for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
That is
to say, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they earn should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
wisely
on food, which is conducive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
health, and not on things.
Apparently
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is it beneficial to be
physically
fit and mentally active,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it opens door for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
productivity in daily work and
also
to be self-reliant in handling tedious tasks.
For example
, a report by The Guardian suggested that in 2017, Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their major share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
on their health care, which resulted in lesser disease incidents and higher productivity,
consequently
, stood top in the world healthy nation ratings.

Moreover
,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on things which would have no return on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
would augur well for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
In other words
, if individuals haven't had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, they would not have a passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
in their later stage of life, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
trends would be
highly
obscure.
For instance
, a study conducted at the Oxford university stated that individuals who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their capital on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
earlier tend to be self-sufficient from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
returns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Therefore
, it is evident that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
on purchasing things is not an ideal way to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on and
conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
which aids in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
would be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on things, which offer no value, as opposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on much productive deeds like physical well-being, and on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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