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People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before Is it a positive or negative development v.1

People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before Is it a positive or negative development v. 1
More and more professionals from developing or underdeveloped countries are choosing to live and work in richer countries. As a result, poorer countries will struggle to develop, but this can be tackled by offering more incentives to stay and better living conditions. The main problem faced by poorer countries due to the brain-drain, in fields such as medicine and education, is that they will struggle to develop and find it difficult to improve their economy as well as living conditions. One of the main ways that a developing country can better themselves is through the skills and dedication of their professionals which is negated when they choose to take their skills to benefit another country. Consequently, less developed countries will not be able to offer their citizens high levels of education or health care, and this in turn will hinder their ability to compete on a global scale, to entice investors and ultimately to stop the poverty cycle. One effective solution to deal with professionals leaving their country is for their government to encourage them to stay by offering better work conditions. This can be done by increasing wages and investing in state-of-the-art equipment and training to tempt doctors and teachers to continue working there. Another possible answer is for poorer countries offer better standards of living, more tolerance and a positive future as a way to entice them professionals back to their own country after they have completed their training abroad. However, these solutions are financially demanding which means poorer governments may have to look to developed countries for aid in order to implement these changes. In conclusion, poorer countries are unable to develop due to the brain-drain which can only be tackled by enticing professionals to remain in their country of origin through better conditions.
More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
from developing or underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work in richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will struggle to develop,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can
be tackled
by offering more incentives to stay and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
living conditions.

The main problem faced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to the brain-drain, in fields such as medicine and education, is that they will struggle to develop and find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their economy
as well
as living conditions. One of the main ways that a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
themselves is through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and dedication of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
which
is negated
when they choose to take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to benefit another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Consequently
, less developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will not be able to offer their citizens high levels of education or health care, and this in turn will hinder their ability to compete on a global scale, to entice investors and
ultimately
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the poverty cycle.

One effective solution to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to encourage them to stay by offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
work conditions. This can
be done
by increasing wages and investing in state-of-the-art equipment and training
Did you mean "tempting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'train' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to tempt
doctors and teachers to continue working there. Another possible answer is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
standards of living, more tolerance and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
future as a way to entice them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
back to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
after they have completed their training abroad.
However
, these solutions are
financially
demanding which means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for aid in order to implement these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are unable to develop due to the brain-drain which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be tackled
by enticing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to remain in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of origin through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
conditions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before Is it a positive or negative development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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