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People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before Is it a positive or negative development v.2

People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before Is it a positive or negative development v. 2
Due to access to good education and better opportunities, millennial earn a lot more money than their parents did in the former days. Whether it is good development? This is further assessed in the essay below. With greater earning power, many things have become affordable for middle-income class people for example liberty to pursue higher education. In olden days, getting a world-class degree was not accessible to all and only limited few were entitled to complete their education. In developing nation, a decade ago, travelling by planes was considered luxury for a commoner. With more salaries, people travel to far off destinations and spend a splendid time off with their family and friends. With enough salaries, a working class can save enough money without worrying about his retirement, instead, nowadays, many youths consider become entrepreneurs in a short time frame of their career. However, every coin has a flip side, more incomes makes people reckless and they spend money on unwanted items and gadgets. According to the financial data, Apple shipped 9. 2 million Apple Watch units during the fourth quarter of the year 2018. To impress others, people tend to flaunt their wealth and expensive possessions, which has bolstered unhealthy relationships and increased animosity between neighbours. The parity between have and have-nots have widened multi-folds. In conclusion, money is essential for meeting ends meet and lead a comfortable life. More money allows people to fulfil their dreams, however, excessive money leaves them lonely and enslaves them with the wish to have it all.
Due to access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education and better opportunities, millennial earn a lot more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than their parents did in the former days. Whether it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
development? This is
further
assessed in the essay below.

With greater earning power,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things have become affordable for middle-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for example
liberty to pursue higher education. In olden days, getting a world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
degree was not accessible to all and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited few
were entitled
to complete their education. In developing nation, a decade ago, travelling by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
was considered
luxury for a commoner. With more salaries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel to far off destinations and spend a splendid time off with their family and friends. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
salaries, a working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
without worrying about his retirement,
instead
, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youths consider become entrepreneurs in a short time frame of their career.

However
, every coin has a flip side, more incomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
reckless and
they spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unwanted items and gadgets. According to the financial data, Apple shipped 9. 2 million Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Watch
units during the fourth quarter of the year 2018. To impress others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to flaunt their wealth and expensive possessions, which has bolstered unhealthy relationships and increased animosity between
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. The parity between have and
Possible spelling mistake found.
have-nots
have widened multi-folds.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential for meeting ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and lead a comfortable life. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to fulfil their dreams,
however
, excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them lonely and enslaves them with the wish to have it all.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before Is it a positive or negative development v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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