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People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What’s are the effects on them? v.6

People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What’s are the effects on them? v. 6
It is observed that, the amount of sleep people used to have in earlier days has decreased to great extent as of now. The main reasons behind it is, people have to work for more hours and this has resulted into fatigue. Nowadays, competition has grown in almost every fields. This means, people have to work for extra hours to be in lead amongst their fellow colleagues. Thus, people compromise with their sleep and put extra hours to gain more knowledge and other skills which would help them to become unique from fellow workers. Eventually, the time is diverted in other activities rather than in taking quality amount of sleep. There are many adverse effects due to lack of sleep. Firstly, less sleep will make a person tired, as the body cannot recover from the wear and tear that is gone throughout the day. Moreover, people would feel sleepy while working at office. Eventually, it will result into less productivity, as people cannot work effectively with such a tired state of mind as well as body. Secondly, the another serious effect on body and mind due to lower amount of sleep is aging. Sleep helps the body to rejuvenate and recover from the damages. Hence, sleep is a primary cure for the body to recover from minor injuries. People’s body pwould start decaying is they are unable to get proper amount of sleep. To recapitulate, although it is essential to become successful in this era of competition, however people should not be deprived of sleep. Otherwise, the consequences such as fatigue and aging of body can become fatal.
It
is observed
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have in earlier days has decreased to great extent as of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. The main reasons behind it is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for more hours and this has resulted into fatigue.

Nowadays, competition has grown in almost every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "field"?
fields
. This means,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for extra hours to be in lead amongst their
Consider using "colleagues".
fellow colleagues
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compromise with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and put extra hours to gain more knowledge and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become unique from fellow workers.
Eventually
, the time
is diverted
in other activities
rather
than in taking quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of sleep.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse effects due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
Firstly
, less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person tired, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
cannot recover from the wear and tear that
is gone
throughout the day.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would feel sleepy while working at office.
Eventually
, it will result into less productivity, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot work
effectively
with such a tired state of mind
as well
as body.

Secondly
, the another serious effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and mind due to lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is aging.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sleep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
to rejuvenate and recover from the damages.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is a primary cure for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
to recover from minor injuries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
Possible spelling mistake found.
pwould
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
decaying is they are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of sleep.

To recapitulate, although it is essential to become successful in this era of competition,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
be deprived
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
Otherwise
, the consequences such as fatigue and aging of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
can become fatal.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What’s are the effects on them? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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