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Nowadays young people are preferred more as compared with old people applying for same jobs. What are the reasons? What are some possible solutions for the problem? v.2

Nowadays young people are preferred more as compared with old people applying for same jobs. What are the reasons? What are some possible solutions for the problem? v. 2
Competition has become very common in every field. Eventually this has led to unemployment in senior citizens as most of the employers prefer the young crowd. This essay will discuss few steps that should be taken to cure the problem. Undoubtedly, the youth of our country are energetic, enthusiastic and have broad vision. The young ones are preferred more when the company recruits people for particular vacancy. This is because, adults having the basic qualification for the particular job are chosen over the highly skilled and experienced people, as they are ready to take up the job with less salary. Nevertheless, there are some ways that might resolve the issue of jobless old people. Firstly, the public authority should reduce the retirement age from 65 to 60 years. It is observed that people’s body start to wear and tear in their early 60’s, which was not the scenario in earlier days. Hence, by bringing the retirement age to 60 years it would help senior people to work effectively before their body stop supporting them to work hard. Secondly, there are many jobs where experience maters as compared with qualification. For instance, in politics as well in police force, a person with more experience are required. Although, young propensity can work hard and think out of the box, but it is the experienced one which gives more fruitful results. Also for positions in higher management experience should be given preference. As only height trained and skilled people can prove their role for such vacancies. To recapitulate, higher rate of unemployment is observed in senior citizen due to competition with youth. This can be resolved by decreasing the retirement age and also by considering experience rather than education for few vacancies.
Competition has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in every field.
Eventually
this has led to unemployment in senior citizens as most of the employers prefer the young crowd. This essay will discuss few steps that should
be taken
to cure the problem.

Undoubtedly
, the youth of our country are energetic, enthusiastic and have broad vision. The young ones
are preferred
more when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
recruits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for particular vacancy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, adults having the basic qualification for the particular job
are chosen
over the
highly
skilled and experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as they are ready to take up the job with less salary.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways that might resolve the issue of jobless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, the public authority should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the retirement age from 65 to 60 years. It
is observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to wear and tear in their early
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "60s".
60’s
, which was not the scenario in earlier days.
Hence
, by bringing the retirement age to 60 years it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work
effectively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
supporting them to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
maters as compared with qualification.
For instance
, in politics
as well
in police force, a person with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
are required
. Although, young propensity can work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the experienced one which gives more fruitful results.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
for positions in higher management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
preference. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
height trained and skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can prove their role for such vacancies.

To recapitulate, higher rate of unemployment
is observed
in senior citizen due to competition with youth. This can
be resolved
by decreasing the retirement age and
also
by considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
rather
than education for few vacancies.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays young people are preferred more as compared with old people applying for same jobs. What are the reasons? What are some possible solutions for the problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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