Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them? v.3

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them? v. 3
In the modern world, people tend to spend long hours in the offices and buildings, and they focus on the future career. Accordingly, they are keen to sleep less than they used to in the past. However, not receiving enough energy from sleep can lead to stress and lethargy. In this regard, the people around them may feel discomfort and inconvenience. After pondering this phenomenon, I believe that shortage of sleep can affect the people negatively, and often reduce their efficiency and productivity at work. On the one hand, it is true that people work hard in order to earn enough money to live in self-sufficiency. Nowadays, overworking and busy lifestyle can cause a wide range of problems for individuals relating to the dream. Moreover, the lifestyle of people has changed, and individuals need to be active in order to keep up in every field of the life. For example, popular workaholic person Elon Musk claimed that he spends an average 5-5. 5 hours of sleep. As a result, the rest of the time he dedicates for working and researching. However, he is practicing siestas for getting enough energy. On the other hand, the people around them may be affected. The tiredness of citizens can cause a stressful atmosphere, which influence negatively on the other people. Furthermore, the aggressors can misbehave themselves, or shout to the other people. For example, employees often are impacted by the bad mood of their employers. Consequently, their productivity will be reduced. That is to say, the lack of rest time can give negative mood to other individuals. In conclusion, although many citizens believe that the lack of dream can cause problems for the individual, it can affect the people around them. In addition to this, stressful employees often lead to reduced efficiency at work.
In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to spend long hours in the offices and buildings, and they focus on the future career.
Accordingly
, they are keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
less than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to in the past.
However
, not receiving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
energy from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and lethargy. In this regard, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them may feel discomfort and inconvenience. After pondering this phenomenon, I believe that shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
can affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
negatively
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their efficiency and productivity at work.

On the one hand, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in self-sufficiency. Nowadays, overworking and busy lifestyle can cause a wide range of problems for individuals relating to the dream.
Moreover
, the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, and individuals need to be active in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up in every field of the life.
For example
, popular workaholic person Elon Musk claimed that he spends an average 5-5. 5 hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
As a result
, the rest of the time he dedicates for working and researching.
However
, he is practicing siestas for getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
energy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. The tiredness of citizens can cause a stressful atmosphere, which influence
negatively
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, the aggressors can misbehave themselves, or shout to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are impacted
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
mood of their employers.
Consequently
, their productivity will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
That is
to say, the lack of rest time can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
mood to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens believe that the lack of dream can cause problems for the individual, it can affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.
In addition
to this, stressful employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
efficiency at work.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts