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People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects on them? v.2

People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects on them? v. 2
In these days, the job organization gives more worth to the practical techniques rather than the theoretical education. Some schools of thoughts also claim that, In the next epoch, job aspirants perhaps not require any formal knowledge. Moreover, I partly agree with the statement, but no one can deny the importance of the theory. Undoubtedly the knowledge, which we obtain from the books, constructs the foundation of any person, which is not only broad spectrum of thinking, but also play an imperative role to generate techniques, these are necessary to obtain an appropriate workplace. To put in another way, without basic education, they do not know, how they calculate the budget of the office. In addition, either they are capable or not to explain the safety rules to the employee. Nevertheless, the multinational companies, mostly take an interest in the practical workings as compare to the theoretical one. Because, they are not eager to know about the mechanism behind any things, they only entail the worker, who grasp the work. For instance, in case of a designer, who create an innovative idea, explore the arts with his practice so, in that scenario the formal qualification is useless. Furthermore, the literature kept in a library needs advancement, It is not giving any benefits to its learners, because people have already known about it. While, the practical knowledge always updating because of the organisation require new automation in order to increase their production. Therefore, practical skills more useful to receive a job. In conclusion, the technique someone obtains from the real work, plays a crucial role to grab a workplace in comparison with anyone, who learns it from the textbook. However, a formal education is necessary if you lead a company.
In these days, the job organization gives more worth to the
practical
techniques
rather
than the theoretical education.
Some
schools of thoughts
also
claim that,

In the
next
epoch, job aspirants perhaps not require any formal knowledge.
Moreover
, I partly
agree
with the statement,
but
no one can deny the importance of the theory.

Undoubtedly
the knowledge, which we obtain from the books, constructs the foundation of any person, which is not
only
broad spectrum of thinking,
but
also
play an imperative role to generate techniques, these are necessary to obtain an appropriate workplace. To put in another way, without basic education, they do not know, how they calculate the budget of the office.
In addition
, either they are capable or not to
explain
the safety
rules
to the employee.

Nevertheless
, the multinational
companies
,
mostly
take an interest in the
practical
workings as compare to the theoretical one.
Because
, they are not eager to know about the mechanism behind any things, they
only
entail the worker, who grasp the work.
For instance
, in case of a designer, who create an innovative
idea
, explore the arts with his practice
so
, in that scenario the formal qualification is useless.
Furthermore
, the literature
kept
in a library needs advancement, It is not giving any benefits to its learners,
because
people
have already known about it.
While
, the
practical
knowledge always updating
because
of the
organisation
require new automation in order to increase their production.
Therefore
,
practical
skills
more useful to receive a job.

In conclusion
, the technique someone obtains from the real work, plays a crucial role to grab a workplace
in comparison
with anyone, who learns it from the textbook.
However
, a formal education is necessary if you lead a
company
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects on them? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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