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People sleep less than they used to in the past. what are the reasons behind it? what are the effects on individuals? v.5

People sleep less than they used to in the past. what are the reasons behind it? what are the effects on individuals? v. 5
People sleep fewer hours than they did many years ago. This is because they tend to work longer compared to the past and this results in fatigue and various diseases in people. This essay is going to discuss how the cutthroat competition in work encourages people to work hard and how this phenomenon of sleeping less will affect people' s life. To begin with, people tend to sleep less compared to the past because the job market is more competitive than ever before and workers have to get more work done or they may fall behind or be replaced by someone else. The cost of living is becoming expensive rapidly, therefore people need to work more to earn more to spend on food, education, and healthcare. Additionally, people equate their happiness and contentment with the money they get from their work because they want to live a luxurious life and enjoy all the modern facilities. This trend has negative effects on an individual and on communities associated with the person, as less sleeping hours can cause depression, fatigue as well as many health problems which affect the productivity of a person. People get less time to relax and always feel tiredness which adversely affects their attentiveness to their work. Moreover, as people have to work hard they have to get up earlier and do not return home until late in the evening, consequently, they are left with few hours to spend with family. This greatly affects their relationship with their family members. In conclusion, it is clear that people want to be competitive to secure their jobs or to fulfill their needs. The changes in sleeping patterns have a negative impact on individuals' health as well as in their personal life. I hope people will understand the importance of adequate sleep on their health as well as on family life and change this habit of sleeping less.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
sleep fewer hours than they did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer compared to the past and this results in fatigue and various diseases in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay is going to discuss how the cutthroat competition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and how this phenomenon of sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
compared to the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the job market is more competitive than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
done or
they may fall behind or
be replaced
by someone else. The cost of living is becoming expensive
rapidly
,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more to earn more to spend on food, education, and healthcare.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
equate their happiness and contentment with the money they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious life and enjoy all the modern facilities.

This trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on an individual and on communities associated with the person, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
sleeping hours can cause depression, fatigue
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
the productivity of a person.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
time to relax and always feel tiredness which
adversely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affects
their attentiveness to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up earlier and do not return home until late in the evening,
consequently
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with few hours to spend with family. This
greatly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affects
their relationship with their family members.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be competitive to secure their jobs or to fulfill their needs. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in sleeping patterns have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
Possible spelling mistake found.
individuals&
#039; health
as well
as in their personal life. I hope
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will understand the importance of adequate sleep on their health
as well
as on family life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this habit of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
sleeping


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
less
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay People sleep less than they used to in the past. what are the reasons behind it? what are the effects on individuals? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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