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People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects on them? v.4

People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects on them? v. 4
Nowadays, due to busy lifestyle it is common phenomenon for people to slumber less. This essay will discuss both views and finish with a reasoned opinion Firstly, people nap less is because of a hectic lifestyle. People have a busier life than in past. Secondly, is the fast pace life which may adherents are subject to causing myriad problems. Thirdly, such as my mother used to sleep 9 hours a night and she was a housewife. I snooze only 6 hour and I am a busy doctor in conclusion. We all have busier lifestyle then in the past so we do not sleep as much causing humongous problem. There are plethora reasons for this predicament. Firstly, productivity of the workforce will plummet, However, this is something that can be mitigate. Secondly, this could cause health problem for those affected, Finally, a number of my patient have complained of this problem and this was caused by lack of does. To sum up, reasons are multivaried and profound which is not surprising considered how wide-spread this problem is. To sum it all up, we live in fast paced hectic world where drowsing is not privatisation. It is my future prediction that this will continue to be problem and will even gather pace in the coming century.
Nowadays, due to busy lifestyle it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a common" or "is an common"
is common
phenomenon for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to slumber less. This essay will discuss both views and finish with a reasoned
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
opinion


Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nap less is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a hectic lifestyle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have a busier life than
Did you mean: "in the past"?
in past
.
Secondly
, is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace life which may adherents are subject to causing myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Thirdly
, such as my mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to sleep 9 hours a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
night and
she was a housewife. I snooze
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hour and
I am a busy doctor
in conclusion
. We all have busier lifestyle then in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we do not sleep as much causing humongous problem.

There are plethora reasons for this predicament.
Firstly
, productivity of the workforce will plummet,
However
, this is something that can be
Consider using the past participle "mitigated"?
mitigate
.
Secondly
, this could cause health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
,
Finally
, a number of my patient have complained of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and this
was caused
by lack of does. To sum up, reasons are
Possible spelling mistake found.
multivaried
and profound which is not surprising considered how wide-spread this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is.

To sum it all up, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced hectic world where drowsing is not
Possible spelling mistake. 'privatisation' is British English.
privatisation
. It is my future prediction that this will continue to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and will even gather pace in the coming century.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects on them? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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