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Stress related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v.6

Stress related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v. 6
Human are increasingly suffering from sickness as a result of stress. This essay will make an effort to look at the cause of stress related sickness including longer working hours and increased job pressures. This essay will also suggest solution to these problems including improving one' s work life balance and diet. People are working longer hours than even before in addition they have more job pressure. also every one place themselves under this unfavourable condition as a long as the workforce is a competitive domain. For instance, some people aspire to climb the corporate ladder to gain high status and high paying job. This often results in mental and physical suffering because they have to work overtime and take an extra roles which can be stressful. However, maintaining a good work life balance and improving one' s diet are both critical to mitigating stress related illness. Furthermore, people need to realise that if they live only for work they will suffer either mentally or physically and poor diet will further inflame these issue. As an example, many employees burn out from working too much and neglecting friends, family, exercise and hobbies as well as the food they eat. Therefore, to cut work one must include a better ratio of work, rest, dietary sustenance. To sum up, in today' s fast paced world more and more people are becoming ill as a result of stress. This essay discussed how stress is often caused by long working hours and intense workplace pressure. This essay also suggest that the solution to this problem are to manage a better work life balance and to eat a healthier diet.
Human are
increasingly
suffering from sickness
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to look at the cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related sickness including longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and increased job pressures. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
also
suggest solution to these problems including improving
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance and diet.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
longer hours than even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in addition
they have more job pressure.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
also
every one place themselves under this
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
condition as a long as the workforce is a competitive domain.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aspire to climb the corporate ladder to gain high status and high paying job. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in mental and physical suffering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime and take an extra
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "role"?
roles
which can be stressful.

However
, maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance and improving
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s diet are both critical to mitigating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related illness.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they will suffer either mentally or
physically
and poor diet will
further
inflame these issue. As an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees burn out from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
too much and neglecting friends, family, exercise and hobbies
as well
as the food they eat.
Therefore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include a better ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, rest, dietary sustenance.

To sum up, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming ill
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
caused by long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and intense workplace pressure. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
also
suggest that the solution to this problem are to manage a better
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance and to eat a healthier diet.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Stress related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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