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people sleep less than before in many countries why do people sleep less what effect does it have on an individual and on society v.1

people sleep less than before in many countries why do people sleep less what effect does it have on an individual and on society v. 1
Mankind is spending less time to take a siesta and this pattern can be observed in majority of countries. There are many reasons for this, such as increased sources of entertainment. However, this practice is harmful for an individual' s health and society. This essay will discuss reasons of shorter sleep and its effects on persons and society. To begin with, advent of plethora of entertainment devices are keeping everyone engrossed. The entertainment devices such as televisions and over the top media, provide a lot of programs which are ranging from comedy to horror and two other web series. So, instead of spending time in sleeping to cut out boredom, they can watch these programs and entertain themselves. For example, if a person is feeling very, then a good comedy program on television can bring him out of malaise. Secondly, the recent trend of working for long hours in jobs, uses of the time when one could have slept sufficiently. indeed, when a person works in a call centre job, it is hard to find two doors for the designated hours. As a result, such patterns of work and rest are detrimental to an individual and the collective. At an individual level, it causes long-term health issues, which do not surface initially, yet become symptomatic in the form of raised blood pressure and obesity. Additionally, when such people work together as a society, the overall efficiency of given task diminishes. It is a well-known fact that activity levels are low when body is not well rested. This is seen in a clear example, where an aeroplane met with an accident and later it was found out that pilot had to work for long houra and had not slept properly. Aftermath of this accident, the entire fleet of passengers succumbed to the injuries. Certainly, such accidents, which are a result of lack of sleep, are troublesome to society. In conclusion, sleep is essential for normal functioning of people and society and its deficiency is harmful to us in several ways. I believe that although one cannot give away the sources that are leading to loss of sleep, at least one can take a deliberate effort to spend enough time towards sleep. it seems a well spent sleeping schedule will lead all to a happy life.
Mankind is spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take a siesta and this pattern can
be observed
in
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
countries. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this, such as increased sources of entertainment.
However
, this practice is harmful for an
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s health and society. This essay will discuss reasons of shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and its effects on persons and society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, advent of plethora of entertainment devices are keeping everyone engrossed. The entertainment devices such as televisions and over the top media, provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
programs which are ranging from comedy to horror and two other web series.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in sleeping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
out boredom, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these programs and entertain themselves.
For example
, if a person is feeling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
, then a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
comedy program on television can bring him out of malaise.
Secondly
, the recent trend of working for long hours in jobs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when one could have slept
sufficiently
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
indeed
, when a person works in a call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
job, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find two doors for the designated hours.

As a result
, such patterns of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and rest are detrimental to an individual and the collective. At an individual level, it causes long-term health issues, which do not surface
initially
,
yet
become symptomatic in the form of raised blood pressure and obesity.
Additionally
, when such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together as a society, the
overall
efficiency of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
task diminishes.
It is a well-known fact that
activity levels are low when body is not well rested. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, where an
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
met with an accident and later it
was found
out that pilot had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long
Possible spelling mistake found.
houra
and had not slept
properly
. Aftermath of this accident, the entire fleet of passengers succumbed to the injuries.
Certainly
, such accidents, which are a result of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
, are troublesome to society.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is essential for normal functioning of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and society and its deficiency is harmful to us in several ways. I believe that although one cannot give away the sources that are leading to loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
, at least one can take a deliberate effort to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
seems a well spent sleeping schedule will lead all to a happy life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay people sleep less than before in many countries why do people sleep less what effect does it have on an individual and on society v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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