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People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society? v.13

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society? v. 13
Earlier, in many nations, individuals sleep more hours, however, nowadays, this pattern has changed and this essay will discuss the primary cause of it and list the possible consequences on personal as well as on society. People of some nationals are, nowadays, more obsessed with the different gadgets, especially, the youngsters who uses them without any limit until late night. So, as a result, they are left with limited amount of time to sleep, as during day time they have to attend school or university lecture some may starts early and in consequences, they may perform poor in their academics due to lack of sleep and study. Similarly, individuals in some developed countries, works long hours to earn extra money, due to which they take less sleep which can lead to several health consequences and can end up in huge medical debt. However, earlier this was not the case when people go to bed early and wakes up early. Furthermore, due to the lack of sleep can also create some adverse effect on society. For instance, in a recent research conducted by the University of Gujarat, which states that if a person allocate less time for himself or others than the chances of becoming less social are very high and being social in a society is the most crucial thing. However, this sets a bad example for youngsters who call the working professionals as their role modal because, if they learn to do the same than the existance of a society will be at a huge risk. To conclude, because of several reasons relating to finance or personal desire people tend to sleep less than earlier and this has lead to several consequences to individuals as well as society which should be taken care by everyone such that it will not affect anyone else.
Earlier, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
more hours,
however
, nowadays, this pattern has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and this essay will discuss the primary cause of it and list the possible consequences on personal
as well
as on society.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nationals are, nowadays, more obsessed with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gadgets,
especially
, the youngsters who
Did you mean "use"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'youngsters' should be used.
uses
them without any limit until late night.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
as a result
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with limited amount of time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
, as during day time they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend school or university lecture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
early and in consequences, they may perform poor in their academics due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and study.
Similarly
, individuals in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, works long hours to earn extra money, due to which they take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
which can lead to several health consequences and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in huge medical debt.
However
, earlier this was not the case when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to bed early and wakes up early.

Furthermore
, due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
can
also
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, in a recent research conducted by the University of Gujarat, which states that if a person allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
time for himself or others than the chances of becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
social are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high and being social in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is the most crucial thing.
However
, this sets a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example for youngsters who call the working professionals as their role modal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, if they learn to do the same
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
than
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
existance
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will be at a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons relating to finance or personal desire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than earlier and this has lead to several
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
individuals
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which should
be taken
care by everyone such that it will not affect anyone else.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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