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Some people think that a law should exist so that young people under 18 cannot be out after the midnight others think it should not be Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that a law should exist so that young people under 18 cannot be out after the midnight others think it should not be 2
In recent decades, the question of whether a teenager should be at home after midnight or not has received a great deal of public attention. Although this issue can be harmful in many cases, the benefit will be greater. There are a number of problems why the government should give a law about that people under 18 should not go out after midnight. First, since midnight is the time that crimes often acts, people should stay at home, especially those who under 18 years old should not go out. In fact, there are a lot of cases like the robbery, murder, or even kidnapping, hence the government should have a law to forbid people to go out after midnight for children safety. Second, if children go out on many hours over midnight, their health may be able to decrease and make some illness. This means that children should sleep enough time in the night, which should make a law to make people sleep on time for their health. Nevertheless, the government should also not give a law to deter children go out after the midnight, mainly because there are some activities which have a long time to midnight such as birthday parties and these are not often happening on every day. Besides, the parents also often go with them in those activities to protect them thus the law that banned people go out is not necessary. In conclusion, although people think that a law should exist so that young people under 18 cannot be out after the midnight, my own view is that teenager should not go out after the midnight but don’t make a law to prevent children go out in midnight.
In recent decades,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
should be at home after midnight or not has received a great deal of public attention. Although this issue can be harmful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, the benefit will be greater.

There are a number of problems why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 18 should not go out after midnight.
First
, since midnight is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
acts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should stay at home,
especially
those who under 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
should not go out. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cases like the robbery, murder, or even kidnapping,
hence
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
to forbid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go out after midnight for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
safety. Second, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go out on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours over midnight, their health may be able to decrease and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illness. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should sleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the night, which should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sleep on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their health.

Nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
not give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
to deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go out after the midnight,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities which have a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to midnight such as birthday parties and these are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
happening on every day.
Besides
, the parents
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
them in those activities to protect them
thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
that banned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go out is not necessary.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
should exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 18 cannot be out after the midnight, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
should not go out after the midnight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go out in midnight.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a law should exist so that young people under 18 cannot be out after the midnight others think it should not be 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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