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People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effects does it have on individual and on society v.4

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effects does it have on individual and on society v. 4
It has been reported in a number of studies that sleeping habits of the residents of handful countries are going through change. Following paragraphs will be penned down to establish the reasons causing this change, followed by the consequences it has on a personal level and on the community. Change is inevitable, whether it is for good or bad, whether it is liked or disgusted by the majority, it is there since the origin of life on earth and it is solely responsible for our development. With the invention of electricity, nightlife of people is changed forever. Before this precious invention, mankind was dependent on sunlight to execute most of its chores, however, now that dependence is a story of the past, thanks to electric supply. Now people have more freedom to plan their day and night as life will not sleep with the sun, but a new life will begin, called nightlife. Nowadays, there is a strong possibility to stay late at night due to many factors, for example to have a dinner party or hosting a music and dance gathering, it can also be due to shopping or just wandering in the surroundings to have a view of city lights. All of the aforesaid reasons lead to lack of sleep as people will not go to bed with the end of the day and continue their activities in artificial light. This, of course, is not without effects, many studies discovered that people are suffering from sleep deprivation that is ultimately impacting their health, because for a human body to perform effectively, a certain amount of sleep is vital. It is also having effects on the society as some segments of the community can not afford to be awake till late at night, for example, school going children and people who have to report for early shift at work. To conclude, it is pertinent to note that although change is important for progress and sleeping patterns of society are changing with the invention of electricity, nevertheless, the state has the responsibility to manipulate it in the favor of masses
It has
been reported
in a number of studies that sleeping habits of the residents of handful countries are going through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. Following paragraphs will
be penned
down to establish the reasons causing this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, followed by the consequences it has on a personal level and on the community.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
is inevitable, whether it is for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, whether it
is liked
or disgusted by the majority, it is there since the origin of life on earth and it is
solely
responsible for our development. With the invention of electricity, nightlife of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
forever.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
this precious invention, mankind was dependent on sunlight to execute most of its chores,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that dependence is a story of the past, thanks to electric supply.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more freedom to plan their day and night as life will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
with the sun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a new life will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, called nightlife.

Nowadays, there is a strong possibility to stay late at night due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors,
for example
to have a dinner party or hosting a music and dance gathering, it can
also
be due to shopping or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wandering in the surroundings to have a view of city lights.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
aforesaid reasons lead to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not go to bed with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day and continue their activities in artificial light.

This,
of course
, is not without effects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies discovered that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
deprivation
that is
ultimately
impacting their health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for a human body to perform
effectively
, a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is vital. It is
also
having effects on the society as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
segments of the community can not afford to be awake till late at night,
for example
, school going children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
report for early shift at work.

To conclude
, it is pertinent to note that although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for progress and sleeping patterns of society are changing with the invention of electricity,
nevertheless
, the state has the responsibility to manipulate it in the favor of masses
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effects does it have on individual and on society v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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