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The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent v. 1
People have different views with regard to the question of how to make our roads safer. It is argued that harsher punishments should be imposed to ensure traffic safety. I completely concur with this view, but to consider this as the sole solution, from my point of view, it does not seem perfectly reasonable as there are a large number of other effective approaches that could also be taken to deal with this issue. There are several reasons why rule-breakers should be given stricter punishments, for example tightening the execution of punishment by increasing the fine amount for rule violations. It is said that the increasing number of road accidents is due to the lenient fine, thus, more money as fine would somehow deter reckless drivers, who often exceed the speed limit or use mobile phones while driving, from driving too quickly. Moreover, receiving severe sanctions when violating the law while driving, such as licence suspension or even prison sentence for some who cause severe accidents, would promote driving habits. Apart from the practical benefits expressed above, I believe that many more other measures could be taken to improve the safety of our roads. It is true that rule violation is the chief culprit to cause accidents, however, poor weather or geographical conditions also have a negative impact on road safety. To tackle these issues, government should invest more in road reconstruction or provide extensive warning signs on high-risk routes. Additionally, public transport should also be improved, which would mean citizens no longer need to travel by their personal cars. In conclusion, It seems to me that severe punishments would be a viable measure, however, there are several other approaches to be taken to improve the safety of the road.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views with regard to the question of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
safer. It
is argued
that harsher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
should
be imposed
to ensure traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
. I completely concur with this view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to consider this as the sole solution, from my point of view, it does not seem
perfectly
reasonable as there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
other effective approaches that could
also
be taken
to deal with this issue.

There are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
-breakers should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
,
for example
tightening the execution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
by increasing the fine amount for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
violations. It
is said
that the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents is due to the lenient fine,
thus
, more money as fine would somehow deter reckless drivers, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
exceed the speed limit or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile phones while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
, from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
too
quickly
.
Moreover
, receiving severe sanctions when violating the law while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
, such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'licence' is British English.
licence
suspension or even prison sentence for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who cause severe accidents, would promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
habits.

Apart from the practical benefits expressed above, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more other measures could
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
violation is the chief culprit to cause accidents,
however
, poor weather or geographical conditions
also
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
. To tackle these issues,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
reconstruction or provide extensive warning signs on high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
routes.
Additionally
, public transport should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, which would mean citizens no longer need to travel by their personal cars.

In conclusion
, It seems to me that severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
would be a viable measure,
however
, there are several other approaches to
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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