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some parents think its good to have their children mobile phones, others disagree? Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some parents think its good to have their children mobile phones, others disagree? v. 1
Advancement in technology comes with its dependence on it; a prevailing one is children having mobile phones. While a section of parents thinks it is okay for children to have mobile phones, others stand against it. This essay will argue why giving mobile phones to children is entirely necessary despite the potential risks. Parents have always been wary of allowing their children to have a mobile phone. They are justifiably worried about their children being exposed to a huge amount of irrelevant and explicit data at a young age. Consequently, parents naturally fear the online world and feel protective of their children. Furthermore, there have been recorded instances where online predators have successfully altered their behaviour and lured children in carrying out illicit activities. These few instances have bolstered existing fears in parents that mobile phones are not required and potentially dangerous for their children. Despite the few risks associated with giving mobile phones to children, the idea that they are unnecessary is completely flawed. Nowadays, children indulge in a lot of activities outside of school, mobile phones make it easy for parents to track and contact them whenever required. Moreover, hundreds of educational applications are available for children to learn from. A recent study from Harvard University has shown that children aged between eight to thirteen years learn things forty percent faster on mobile devices than classrooms because these applications provide a personalized experience. Therefore, the idea that children should not have mobile phones is ill-formed because it can potentially slow down the technological growth of a child. To conclude, parents who are against their children having mobile phones have a flawed understanding of technology and underestimate the exposure and access they provide to children. In my opinion, embracing technology is the need of the hour and thus, parents should allow their children to keep mobile phones.
Advancement in technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its dependence on it; a prevailing one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. While a section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
it is okay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, others stand against it. This essay will argue why giving mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
entirely
necessary despite the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

Parents have always been wary of allowing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. They are
justifiably
worried about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being exposed
to a huge amount of irrelevant and explicit data at a young age.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
naturally
fear the online world and feel protective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Furthermore
, there have
been recorded
instances where online predators have
successfully
altered their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and lured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in carrying out illicit activities. These few instances have bolstered existing fears in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are not required and
potentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for their children.

Despite the few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with giving mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that they are unnecessary is completely flawed. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
indulge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
activities outside of school, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
and contact them whenever required.
Moreover
, hundreds of educational applications are available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn from. A recent study from Harvard University has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between eight and thirteen".
between eight to thirteen
years learn things forty percent faster on mobile devices than classrooms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these applications provide a personalized experience.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not have mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is ill-formed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
potentially
slow down the technological growth of a child.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are against their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have a flawed understanding of technology and underestimate the exposure and access they provide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, embracing technology is the need of the hour and
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay some parents think its good to have their children mobile phones, others disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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