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Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them in the newspaper. What is the reason? Is it a good idea to copy famous personalities? v.1

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them in the newspaper. What is the reason? Is it a good idea to copy famous personalities? v. 1
Famous personalities have always intimidated people from all walks of people. For centuries, the common people have read about them in the newspapers and watched them on television, and then try to mimic their style. This essay will discuss why, despite the obvious drawback of falling into debt, ordinary people are still drawn towards the fancy lifestyles of the so called high society. When a common person sees or reads about the famous personalities of society, they instantly associate them with being rich and the ones having a luxurious lifestyle. Moreover, people tend to think that these people are important as they are always on television and in newspapers. To fulfil this desire of luxury and being important is one prominent reason why ordinary people try to copy them. For instance, the youth today likes to have the same clothes and tech as they see on their movie stars. Overall, the trend to follow the famous people comes from greed to feel rich and important. The masses try to blindly follow whatever they see or read their famous idols are doing. This idea of copying famous personalities is completely flawed because more often than not, what we see on television or read in newspapers is only part of the story and not the whole story. A study by Harvard University have shown that only twenty percent of television news is stating the full context and statistics. This is the reason why following famous people based on media sources are an outrageously wrong concept. To conclude, people must use their own sense of judgement and discretion before following anyone, no matter how famous they are, because newspapers and television media always try to portray a good image of the people they want to make famous.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Famous
personalities have always intimidated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all walks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For centuries, the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
about them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
them on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, and then try to mimic their style. This essay will discuss why, despite the obvious drawback of falling into debt, ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
drawn towards the fancy lifestyles of the
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
so called
high society.

When a common person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reads
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personalities of society, they
instantly
associate them with being rich and the ones having a luxurious lifestyle.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as they are always on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
. To fulfil this desire of luxury and being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is one prominent reason why ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to copy them.
For instance
, the youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
likes to have the same clothes and tech as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on their movie stars.
Overall
, the trend to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
comes
from greed to feel rich and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

The masses try to
blindly
follow whatever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
idols are doing. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of copying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personalities is completely flawed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
part of the story and not the whole story. A study by Harvard University have shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
twenty percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
news is stating the full context and statistics. This is the reason why following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on media sources are an
outrageously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
concept.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sense of judgement and discretion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
following anyone, no matter how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
they are,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
media always try to portray a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them in the newspaper. What is the reason? Is it a good idea to copy famous personalities? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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