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People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individually and on society? v.1

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individually and on society? v. 1
Sleeping is a natural condition and benefits the body and the mind, however dramatically decreased amount of sleepwill harm a person. Nowdays humans do not sleep enough because pf the rapid life rhythm and the countless responsibilities. Lack of sleep can have negative impacts in someone life and also in the whole society due to tiredness. The average time of sleep for an adult is eight hours per day, in order to be fully energiesed. In addition individuals nowdays do not understand the importance of sleep and they skip it, so they will win some extra time. Therefore, long working hours, family responsibilities and anxiety are some of the factors that prevent people from resting. For example, a research showed that 60 % of people sleep at least 3 or 4 hours per day because they need to do a lot of things, so they postpone their sleeping. Furthermore, not enough sleep can lead to alarming health problems, phusical and mental. Sleeping habits can determine problems, for both individuals and society. Firstly, individuals that are not resting well will be less productive, mentally tired and they will not take right decisions. Obviously that will affect their work environment, their family relationships and also their own feelings and health. Secondly society will be harmed, because when the employers are tired the transactions are slower and the quality of work unsuitable and this will lead to critical problems. For instance, a study showed that a company has lost fame and money because, the employers where not longer productive due to lonf hours at work. Consequently, sleep is valuable and it should not be avoided or diminished in order to work more. In conclusion, limited hours of sleep can harm a person and a community. Responsibilities, should not take a person sleeping hours, because that will have as a result health problems and also it will create crucial issues in a society.
Sleeping is a natural condition and benefits the body and the mind,
however
dramatically
decreased amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
sleepwill
harm a person.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
humans do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
pf the rapid life rhythm and the countless responsibilities. Lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts in someone life and
also
in the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
due to tiredness.

The average time of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
for an adult is eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day, in order to be
fully
Possible spelling mistake found.
energiesed
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
individuals
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowdays
do not understand the importance of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sleep and
they skip it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will win
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra time.
Therefore
, long working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, family responsibilities and anxiety are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from resting.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 60 % of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
at least 3 or 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they postpone their sleeping.
Furthermore
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
can lead to alarming health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
phusical
and mental.

Sleeping habits can determine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, for both individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Firstly
, individuals that are not resting well will be less productive, mentally
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tired and
they will not take right decisions.
Obviously
that will affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment, their family relationships and
also
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feelings and health.
Secondly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will
be harmed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when the employers
are tired
the transactions are slower and the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
unsuitable and this will lead to critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For instance
, a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has lost fame and money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the employers where not longer productive due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
lonf
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is valuable and it should not
be avoided
or diminished in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more.

In conclusion
, limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
can harm a person and a community. Responsibilities, should not take a person sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that will have
as a result
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
also
it will create crucial issues in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individually and on society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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