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People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individually and on society? v.18

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individually and on society? v. 18
Sleeping is necessary for proper functioning of human body. In average 7 to 8 hours of rest is required but nowadays people sleep less than the average number of hours in many countries. This essay will discuss about the reason and effect of this on an individual. Although, there could be many reasons for this human behaviour but the main one is the use of blue screens. With increase in technology everyone has become more prone to electronic devices like phones, laptops, television. For example, many folks enjoy watching TV before they go to bed but once they start watching there is no track of time and hence they end up not getting a good sleep. Indeed, in a recent survey by Oxford University these blue screens can make one's eyes believe that it is still day time and in return they are not able to get a good night rest. Overall, the use of electronic devices at night is the biggest cause here. Whenever there is lack of rest in the previous night, many routine activities are impacted next day. A person will not be able to concentrate, immune system will be weakend and digestion will be slowered. This will also effect the society at a higher level as masses will be suffering from diseases like depression, insomania and obesity. For instance, the individuals going through these mental disorders would not be able to perform well at their jobs or in social activities which will impact the surrounding on whole. In short, due to this a person can suffer from many diseases that can effect him/her and the neighbourhood. In conclusion, interaction with electronic devices is the major cause for sleeplessness that effects the health of individual as well as the society. This essay discussed the cause and result of insomania on people.
Sleeping is necessary for proper functioning of human body. In average 7 to 8 hours of rest
is required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
sleep less than the average number of hours in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
reason and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of this on an individual.

Although, there could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the main one is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of blue screens. With increase in technology everyone has become more prone to electronic devices like phones, laptops, television.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
folks enjoy watching TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they go to bed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
watching there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of time and
hence
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up not getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sleep.
Indeed
, in a recent survey by Oxford University these blue screens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one's eyes believe that it is
still
day time and in return they are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
night rest.
Overall
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic devices at night is the biggest cause here.

Whenever there is lack of rest in the previous night,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
routine activities
are impacted
next
day. A person will not be able to concentrate, immune system will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
weakend
and digestion will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
slowered
. This will
also
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
the society at a higher level as masses will be suffering from diseases like depression,
Possible spelling mistake found.
insomania
and obesity.
For instance
, the individuals going through these mental disorders would not be able to perform well at their jobs or in social activities which will impact the surrounding on whole. In short, due to this a person can suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
him/her and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.

In conclusion
, interaction with electronic devices is the major cause for sleeplessness that effects the health of individual
as well
as the society. This essay discussed the cause and result of
Possible spelling mistake found.
insomania
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individually and on society? v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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