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People sleep less than before in many countries? Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society? v.15

People sleep less than before in many countries? Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society? v. 15
Sleep is a very vital part of human existence without which we cannot function optimally. Experts say that human adults need at least seven hours of sleep per night to live well. Nowadays, people sleep less because they need to cater for themselves and their families as well as to pursue their dreams of a better life. As an individual, the effect of reduced sleep on our bodies is not only an increase in the likelihood of developing diseases that can cause significant morbidity and mortality but also the propensity to make mistakes. On the society at large, it reduces efficiency and productivity. Since the dawn of industrialization, mankind has worked more and slept less. Quite a number of reasons account for this, but top on the list are the facts that we need to make ends meet and our innate strife for perfection. To cater for themselves and their families, most people work long hours or multiple jobs, hence, the time for sleep is depleted. In addition, to improve and become better versions of ourselves especially in resource-poor countries, sacrifices have to be made. For example, parents might need to work a day and night job to provide for their children's basic needs. He or she might find it difficult to log in the required seven hours of sleep at night. Even as the world is becoming more technologically advanced, people are losing sleep to put food on the table. Lack of sleep has deleterious effects both individually and collectively. Experts have shown that diminished sleep can significantly affect cognition which can lead to mishaps, some of which can be fatal. For example, a driver who sleeps less can cause vehicular accidents can put many lives in danger. Furthermore, research has also shown that sleeping less can have adverse effects on mood and make people more prone to bouts to anger and other emotional outbursts. This is so because sleep is needed to recharge our bodies and clear our minds. The act of sleeping less is becoming a public health problem as individuals are what make up a community, it reduces work productivity and. The society is not able to function optimally as people tend to be disorganised, less creative and open to dialogue when they are not sleeping well.   This can also result in an increase in crime rate in that setting as people tend to lose their inhibitions when they lack proper levels of rest. In conclusion, many countries consist of a lot of people who are sleeping less. Whether it is to provide their daily bread or becoming better versions of themselves, humans are catching a little sleep recently. For an individual, it can cause accidents and sometimes irreparable damages whereas for societies the effects are quite worse as it can cripple economies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sleep
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital part of human existence without which we cannot function
optimally
. Experts say that human adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
at least seven hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
per night to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
well. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to cater for themselves and their families
as well
as to pursue their dreams of a better life. As an individual, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
on our bodies is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an increase in the likelihood of developing diseases that can cause significant morbidity and mortality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the propensity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
mistakes. On the society at large, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
efficiency and productivity.

Since the dawn of industrialization, mankind has worked more and slept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
. Quite a number of reasons account for this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
top on the list are the facts that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and our innate strife for perfection. To cater for themselves and their families, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work long hours or multiple jobs,
hence
, the time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is depleted
.
In addition
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and become better versions of ourselves
especially
in resource-poor countries, sacrifices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be made
.
For example
, parents might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to work a day and night job to provide for their children's basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. He or she might find it difficult to log in the required seven hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
at night. Even as the world is becoming more
technologically
advanced,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
to put food on the table.

Lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
has deleterious effects both
individually
and
collectively
. Experts have shown that diminished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
can
significantly
affect cognition which can lead to mishaps,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of which can be fatal.
For example
, a driver who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
can cause vehicular accidents can put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
Furthermore
, research has
also
shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
can have adverse effects on mood and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more prone to bouts to anger and other emotional outbursts. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is needed
to recharge our bodies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
our minds.

The act of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
is becoming a public health problem as individuals are what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up a community, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
work productivity and. The society is not able to function
optimally
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'disorganised' is British English.
disorganised
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
creative and open to dialogue when they are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
well.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This can
also
result in an increase in crime rate in that setting as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to lose their inhibitions when they lack proper levels of rest.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries consist of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
. Whether it is to provide their daily bread or becoming better versions of themselves, humans are catching a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
recently. For an individual, it can cause accidents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
irreparable damages whereas for societies the effects are quite worse
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
it can cripple
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
economies
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay People sleep less than before in many countries? Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society? v. 15

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
467 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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