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Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantage and disadvantages of this? v.3

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantage and disadvantages of this? v. 3
It is true that many global companies are setting up their offices and factories in under developed nations. This essay will suggest that increased employment opportunities is the primary benefit for the local population, while disruption in the local market is the main drawback. The main advantage of the rise in multinational companies is that it increases the availability of jobs in the market. Major corporations have set up big offices and factories in emerging markets for their products and services, due to which they require a large number of staff for various jobs. For example, Apple recently opened a new factory in the small town of Bihar, where the employment level is very low, and they have provided jobs to 2000 people in that area. Despite this economic benefit, multinationals are not quite welcomed in the local market, because they cause market disruptions. With high manpower and logistical resources, multinationals can make a variety of products quickly, and local vendors cannot compete with the price, quantity and quality of their products. For instance, when Ikea launched its first store in Hyderabad this year, a lot of furniture stores in the city had to close down because buyers preferred to do all their purchases under one roof instead of visiting different local sellers. Thus, local shops are losing out on business, and eventually closing down. In conclusion, multinationals provide increased employment opportunities to people, but at the same time affect local vendors by forcing them out of business with their high production output and low price margins. It is recommended that the government passes laws and legislations to make sure that local businesses can survive and thrive in this competing market as well.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are setting up their offices and factories in under developed nations. This essay will suggest that increased employment opportunities is the primary benefit for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
population, while disruption in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is the main drawback.

The main advantage of the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is that it increases the availability of jobs in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
. Major corporations have set up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
offices and factories in emerging markets for their products and services, due to which they require
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
staff for various jobs.
For example
, Apple recently opened a new factory in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town of Bihar, where the employment level is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low, and they have provided jobs to 2000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in that area.

Despite this economic benefit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinationals
are not quite welcomed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
disruptions. With high manpower and logistical resources,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinationals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a variety of products
quickly
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
vendors cannot compete with the price, quantity and quality of their products.
For instance
, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ikea
launched its
first
store in Hyderabad this year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
furniture stores in the city had to close down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
buyers preferred to do all their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
under one roof
instead
of visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
sellers.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops are losing out on business, and
eventually
closing down.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinationals
provide increased employment opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
vendors by forcing them out of business with their high production output and low price margins. It
is recommended
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
passes laws and
Possible spelling mistake found.
legislations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses can survive and thrive in this competing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantage and disadvantages of this? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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