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Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. with this statement? v. 1
Both rail and road transportation are no doubt one of the age-long means of transportation. As more under-developed and developing nations seek to improve the transportation sector of their economies, deliberate efforts are being put on diverting more funds and investment into this sector. For obvious reasons such as passengers’ safety and ease of movement of goods from one place to another, I believe that governments’ spending should channelled towards rail projects than road projects. This will be expatiated in the sequel of this essay. Firstly, rail transport has been proven to be the safest means of transportation, thus should attract attention of the government. Available statistics on tendencies for occurrence of rail accidents compared to that of road further lay credence to this fact. Also, the number of casualties recorded from train derailment is nothing significant compared to the casualties recorded in the event of road accidents. In Nigeria for example, in year 2018, the ratio of rail mishaps compared to auto accidents is 1: 1000 with a total casualties of 20 and 20000 for both rail and road accidents respectively. Furthermore, trains are able to carry more passengers and goods because of the large space from many coaches attached to them. This makes mass conveyance of people and goods seamless and possible at a go, thereby saving time for other productive activities and also reduce congestion. For example, 10, 000 tons of a particular commodity can be moved by a train at once, a task that will take 10, 000 trucks to perform via the highways. In conclusion, inasmuch as safety and comfort of the citizenry are of paramount importance to every government, more focus should be placed on investing on rail transportation rather than road transportation.
Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
are no doubt one of the age-long means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. As more under-developed and developing nations seek to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
sector of their economies, deliberate efforts are
being put
on diverting more funds and investment into this sector. For obvious reasons such as passengers’ safety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of movement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from one place to another, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
’ spending should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "channel"
channelled
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
projects than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
projects. This will
be expatiated
in the sequel of this essay.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
transport has
been proven
to be the safest means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
,
thus
should attract attention of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Available statistics on tendencies for occurrence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
compared to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
further
lay credence to this fact.
Also
, the number of casualties recorded from train derailment is nothing significant compared to the casualties recorded in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
. In Nigeria
for example
, in year 2018, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
mishaps compared to auto
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
is 1: 1000 with a total
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "casualty"?
casualties
of 20 and 20000 for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
respectively
.

Furthermore
, trains are able to carry more passengers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the large space from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
coaches attached to them. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
mass conveyance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
seamless and possible at a go, thereby saving time for other productive activities and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
congestion.
For example
, 10, 000 tons of a particular commodity can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
by a train at once, a task that will take 10, 000 trucks to perform via the highways.

In conclusion
, inasmuch as safety and comfort of the citizenry are of paramount importance to every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, more focus should
be placed
on investing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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