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People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than their own benefits. What extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than their own benefits. What extent v. 1
Felons are being incarcerated as a retribution for their offence, however, in contemporary society some people believe that centre works can be used as an alternative to jail. This essay agrees that using these types of work as a discipline will benefit to the public. Firstly, this essay will discuss why neighbourhood works are an effective way to treat criminals and secondly, how it will benefit society. Approaching effective way to prevent crime is the requirement of the current situation because social revolution is impossible under violation. Even though criminals are being imprisoned, they tent to recommit crime because they mentally do not fill imprison as a forfeiture hence, authority should order criminals to perform public service in restitution. Many countries have these types of rules in place, for example In USA malefactors must finish up to 1000 hours unpaid works for minor crimes and one of the reports from the New York university shows that 10% crimes have been reduced due to the public work beating. By utilizing free labour force, the power can save thousand of dollars that are being allocated for association works every year which can be a burden for the economy. This money can be used after other projects or infrastructure such as building a road, hospital, garden, and school, which will help the rule to make society strong and prosper. In Conclusion, the law should order criminals to perform unpaid works as a trial which will teach them a good lesson and be an effective and beneficial way for the district.
Felons are
being incarcerated
as a retribution for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
,
however
, in contemporary society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
works can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an alternative to jail. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that using these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a discipline will benefit to the public.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss why
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
works are an effective way to treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and
secondly
, how it will benefit society.

Approaching effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is the requirement of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
social revolution is impossible under violation.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are
being imprisoned
, they tent to recommit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they mentally do not fill imprison as a forfeiture
hence
, authority should order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to perform public service in restitution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries have these types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in place,
for example
In USA malefactors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
finish up to 1000 hours unpaid works for minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and one of the reports from the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 10%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
beating.

By utilizing free
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force, the power can save
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
of dollars that are
being allocated
for association works every year which can be a burden for the economy. This money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
after other projects or infrastructure such as building a road, hospital, garden, and school, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
society strong and prosper.

In Conclusion
, the law should order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to perform unpaid works as a trial which will teach them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lesson and be an effective and beneficial way for the district.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than their own benefits. What extent v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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