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People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than their own benefits. What extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than their own benefits. What extent v. 2
Whether ensuring a healthy lifestyle should be deemed as public responsibility or individuals’ own advantages has evolved as a heated topic of controversy. While I consent to the social implications of personal fitness, I opine that the populace should retain their health in their interests. In the first place, no sooner do individuals& nbsp; allocate their time and efforts for& nbsp; enhancing their health conditions than they can contribute as viable human resources to& nbsp; social betterment. For example, & nbsp; on account of& nbsp; constant training under& nbsp; a myriad of& nbsp; harsh conditions, loyal and& nbsp; strong-willed& nbsp; soldiers will be& nbsp; physically well-qualified& nbsp; to& nbsp; shield national security and sovereignty from abhorrent conspiracies& nbsp; of enemy forces. Simultaneously, when citizens are& nbsp; in good physical conditions, they have the competence to entirely& nbsp; devote themselves to& nbsp; the social development& nbsp; thanks to the capability to work for long hours with high productivity. However, there is a common consensus that a good health& nbsp; lays the foundations& nbsp; for life fulfilment, which firmly endorses the viewpoint that people& nbsp; are obliged to& nbsp; maintain their welfare as personal benefits. & nbsp; By virtue of& nbsp; staying healthy and& nbsp; getting involved in& nbsp; recreation activities, people& nbsp; are bound to& nbsp; greatly enjoy their life. In addition, it is indisputable that the medical treatments often& nbsp; places a large financial burden on& nbsp; individuals, especially those suffering from& nbsp; chronic diseases& nbsp; like diabetes, tuberculosis or cancer. Therefore, through the medium of initiating appropriate diets and workout schemes, people will be able to prevent both illnesses and money loss. All in all, it is my belief that citizens should& nbsp; take the maintenance of their health into serious consideration, as this benefits not only every single person but also the whole community
Whether ensuring a healthy lifestyle should
be deemed
as public responsibility or individuals’
own
advantages has evolved as a heated topic of controversy. While I consent to the social implications of personal fitness, I opine that the populace should retain their health in their interests.

In the
first
place, no sooner do
individuals&amp
;
nbsp
; allocate their time and efforts
for&amp
;
nbsp
; enhancing their health conditions than they can contribute as viable human resources
to&amp
;
nbsp
; social betterment.
For example
,
&amp
;
nbsp
; on account
of&amp
;
nbsp
; constant training
under&amp
;
nbsp
; a myriad
of&amp
;
nbsp
; harsh conditions, loyal
and&amp
;
nbsp
;
strong-willed&amp
;
nbsp
; soldiers will
be&amp
;
nbsp
;
physically
well-qualified&amp
;
nbsp
;
to&amp
;
nbsp
; shield national security and sovereignty from abhorrent
conspiracies&amp
;
nbsp
; of enemy forces.
Simultaneously
, when citizens
are&amp
;
nbsp
; in
good
physical conditions, they have the competence to
entirely&amp
;
nbsp
; devote themselves
to&amp
;
nbsp
; the social
development&amp
;
nbsp
; thanks to the capability to work for long hours with high productivity.

However
, there is a common consensus that a
good
health&amp
;
nbsp
; lays the
foundations&amp
;
nbsp
; for life
fulfilment
, which
firmly
endorses the viewpoint that
people&amp
;
nbsp
;
are obliged
to&amp
;
nbsp
; maintain their welfare as personal benefits.
&amp
;
nbsp
; By virtue
of&amp
;
nbsp
; staying healthy
and&amp
;
nbsp
; getting involved
in&amp
;
nbsp
; recreation activities,
people&amp
;
nbsp
;
are bound
to&amp
;
nbsp
;
greatly
enjoy their life.
In addition
, it is indisputable that the medical treatments
often&amp
;
nbsp
; places a large financial burden
on&amp
;
nbsp
; individuals,
especially
those suffering
from&amp
;
nbsp
; chronic
diseases&amp
;
nbsp
; like diabetes, tuberculosis or cancer.
Therefore
, through the medium of initiating appropriate diets and workout schemes,
people
will be able to
prevent
both illnesses and money loss.

All in all, it is my belief that citizens
should&amp
;
nbsp
; take the maintenance of their health into serious consideration, as this benefits not
only
every single person
but
also
the whole community
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
65Mistakes

IELTS essay People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than their own benefits. What extent v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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