Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People say that a child’s success is dependent on the way parents bring them up. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

People say that a child’s success is dependent on the way parents bring them up. v. 2
It has argued that a significant number of individuals that children's success story is best possible through their parent’s way of taking care. Although, parents are the greatest helping hand for a child to show the right directions on a timely basis, I am of the opinion that other people like, friends are equally important in bringing the kids' achievements. The environment influences the person to do its daily activities, a surrounding circle has a lead role to play in a person's mind and that can be easily related to his success. In the case, the students spent their most time in schools with their friends, and they guide them whenever is the need and accordingly. For instance, European kids are more involved in soccer and they dominate all over the world in that and Asian kids in cricket, hence, I believe that good friend circle is more important to have victory in life. On the other hand, parents are those, who know their kids from day one and the ways how to guide them on time for the successful outcome. Pupils at an early stage of life are unaware of their right or wrong things and parents are the first, who can guide them from the initial stages of their career, which will have an impact on them for the lifetime. Therefor, it is vital to have good communication between parents and their kids, which can shape their career paths to have a better outcome in the future. In conclusion, while, parents play a necessary role in guiding their children to have success in life from the initial stages of career, it is also, important for a child to have a good friend circle, which will help him in achieving good future at different intervals in life.
It has argued that a significant number of individuals that children's success story
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
possible through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
way of taking care. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the greatest helping hand for a child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the right directions on a timely basis, I am of the opinion that other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in bringing the kids' achievements.

The environment influences the person to do its daily activities, a surrounding circle has a lead role to play in a person's mind and that can be
easily
related to his success. In the case, the students spent their most time in schools with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, and they guide them whenever is the need and
accordingly
.
For instance
, European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are more involved in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
soccer and
they dominate all over the world in that and Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in cricket,
hence
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
circle is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have victory in life.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are those, who know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
from day one and the ways how to guide them on time for the successful outcome. Pupils at an early stage of life are unaware of their right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
, who can guide them from the initial stages of their career, which will have an impact on them for the lifetime. Therefor, it is vital to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, which can shape their career paths to have a better outcome in the future.

In conclusion
, while,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a necessary role in guiding their children to have success in life from the initial stages of career, it is
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a child to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
circle, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him in achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
future at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
intervals in life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay People say that a child’s success is dependent on the way parents bring them up. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts