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People rarely interact with their neighbours and this is a harmful effect for local communities. What are the possible cause and solutions? v.1

People rarely interact with their neighbours and this is a harmful effect for local communities. What are the possible cause and solutions? v. 1
Unfortunately, the fact that people have less contact with their neighbours is now leading to a negative trend in local communities. There are several reasons for this for this concern, and the role of overworking and desire for making salary are the most imperative among them. However, there are some measures that can be implemented to tackle this problem. One of the significant causes of the question is that most people are likely to lead work days, so much which makes them become workaholic. In other words, they are spending increasing amounts of time in their workplaces. As a consequence, we tend to job too much on our own and have less time to socialize. The way forward could be to reduce workers’ hours and organize extra day offs. For example, well known company called Microsoft cuts down the working hours and allowed its employees to trial on the dependence of their will and this decision has given an opportunity to workers to get together more often and also has dramatically increased workers’ productivity on any project. Another problem, which triggers tendency towards less communication, is a desire to be wealthy. Moreover, some people see money as a source of happiness. To be more precise, more and more people are becoming much busier and losing their personality on account of their wishes to earn much money. For instance, we can be an observer of individuals who are abandoning their friends because of money. To resolve this matter, people should find their own to put relationships above financial success. People must be shown that the richness is not the only key to succeed; there are also more valuable things such as neighbourhood, friendship, family and others. In this way, people can achieve a perfect balance between work time and leisure. In conclusion, communication, nowadays, is becoming less common, especially between neighbours and friends. The reason for this is that we tend to task much and become materialistic. Notwithstanding this, people should define happiness as something deeper.
Unfortunately, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
contact with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
leading to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend in local communities. There are several reasons
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "for this".
for this for this
concern, and the role of overworking and desire for making salary are the most imperative among them.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that can
be implemented
to tackle this problem.

One of the significant causes of the question is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to lead work days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them become workaholic.
In other words
, they are spending increasing amounts of time in their workplaces. As a consequence, we tend to job too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
time to socialize. The way forward could be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
workers’ hours and organize extra day offs.
For example
, well known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
called Microsoft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
down the working hours and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
its employees to trial on the dependence of their will and this decision has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and
also
has
dramatically
increased workers’ productivity on any project.

Another problem, which triggers tendency towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
communication, is a desire to be wealthy.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
money as a source of happiness. To be more precise, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
busier and losing their personality on account of their wishes to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
money.
For instance
, we can be an observer of individuals who are abandoning their friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of money. To resolve this matter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
to put relationships above financial success.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shown
that the richness is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
key to succeed; there are
also
more valuable things such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, friendship, family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can achieve a perfect balance between work time and leisure.

In conclusion
, communication, nowadays, is becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
common,
especially
between
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and friends.
The reason for this is
that we tend to task
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
and become materialistic. Notwithstanding this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should define happiness as something deeper.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay People rarely interact with their neighbours and this is a harmful effect for local communities. What are the possible cause and solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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