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People today rarely interact with their neighbors, and this is having a harmful effect on local communities. What are the possible causes of this trend? What can be done to address it v.1

People today rarely interact with their neighbors, and this is having a harmful effect on local communities. What are the possible causes of this trend? What can be done to address it v. 1
Unfortunately, the fact that people have less contact with their neighbors is now leading to a negative trend in local communities. There are several reasons for this for this issue, and the role of overworking and desire for making money are the most imperative among them. However, there are some measures that can be implemented to tackle this problem. One of the significant causes of the issue is that most people are likely to work so much which makes them become workaholic. In other words, they are spending increasing amounts of time in their workplaces. As a consequence, we tend to work too much on our own and have less time to socialize. The way forward could be to reduce workers’ hours and organize extra day offs. For example, well known company called Microsoft cut down the working hours and allowed its employees to work on the dependence of their will and this decision has given an opportunity to workers to get together more often and also has dramatically increased workers’ productivity on any project. Another issue, which triggers tendency towards less communication, is desire to be wealthy. Moreover, some people see money as a source of happiness. To be more precise, more and more people are becoming much busier and losing their being on account of their wishes to earn much money. For instance, we can be an observer of individuals who are running out on their friends because of money. To resolve this issue, people should find their own inspiration to put relationship above financial success. People must be shown that the money is not the only key to succeed; there are also more valuable things such as neighborhood, friendship, family and others. In this way, people can achieve a perfect balance between work time and leisure. In conclusion, communication, nowadays, is becoming less common especially between neighbors and friends. The reason for this is that we tend to work much and become materialistic. Notwithstanding this, people should define happiness as something deeper.
Unfortunately, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
contact with their neighbors is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
leading to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend in local communities. There are several reasons
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "for this".
for this for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, and the role of overworking and desire for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are the most imperative among them.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that can
be implemented
to tackle this problem.

One of the significant causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them become workaholic.
In other words
, they are spending increasing amounts of time in their workplaces. As a consequence, we tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
time to socialize. The way forward could be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
workers’ hours and organize extra day offs.
For example
, well known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
called Microsoft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the working hours and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
its employees to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on the dependence of their will and this decision has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and
also
has
dramatically
increased workers’ productivity on any project.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, which triggers tendency towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
communication, is desire to be wealthy.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a source of happiness. To be more precise, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
busier and losing their being on account of their wishes to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, we can be an observer of individuals who are running out on their friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. To resolve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
inspiration to put relationship above financial success.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shown
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
key to succeed; there are
also
more valuable things such as neighborhood, friendship, family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can achieve a perfect balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
time and leisure.

In conclusion
, communication, nowadays, is becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
common
especially
between neighbors and friends.
The reason for this is
that we tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
and become materialistic. Notwithstanding this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should define happiness as something deeper.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay People today rarely interact with their neighbors, and this is having a harmful effect on local communities. What are the possible causes of this trend? What can be done to address it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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