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Your University is planning to allow students to watch TV in theirs dormitories. What is your opinion and why? What are the advantages and disadvantages of watching TV in dormitories? Include reasons and examples to support your response. v.1

Your University is planning to allow students to watch TV in theirs dormitories. What is your opinion and why? What are the advantages and disadvantages of watching TV in dormitories? Include reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1
Many educators today feel pressure to teach to the test and emphasise academic subjects over more practical ones. In my opinion, this approach is overtly short-sighted and practical skills, play an important role in a well-rounded education. Those who support a singular focus on academics can point to its tangible outcome in higher test scores. A good example of this would be accelerating academic progress at inner city schools. There have been numerous reforms in the last several decades to help the poorest performing districts catch up. The results have been uneven at times, but overall more students from impoverished or troubled backgrounds can now go to college, often being the first person in their family to do so. Passing exams have the very real benefit of giving them opportunities outside of menial work and, in the most extreme cases, crime. Though there might be a case for overemphasis on academics in select districts, learning practical skills is an important part of becoming an all around person. Those who possess certain skills, such as a sharp memory and logical thinking, will perform better in academics like math and physics. This means that these skills are rewarded and may become over-developed at the expense of skills related to practical work such as spatial thinking and multi-tasking. Graduates who know how to please their teachers and get good grades in academic subjects will find themselves lacking in real world skills. Adding in practical skills goes a long way towards making this a reality. In conclusion, the argument for academics only applies to niche segments of society and learning practical skills has tremendous benefits. Schools should find ways to balance both despite external pressure from the government and parents for the reductive measure of higher marks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
educators
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
feel pressure to teach to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects over more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
ones. In my opinion, this approach is
overtly
short-sighted and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a well-rounded education.

Those who support a singular focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
can point to its tangible outcome in higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
scores. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this would be accelerating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
progress at inner city schools. There have been numerous reforms in the last several decades to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poorest performing districts catch up. The results have been uneven at times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
overall
more students from impoverished or troubled backgrounds can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
go to college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
being the
first
person in their family to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Passing exams have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
real benefit of giving them opportunities
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
menial work and, in the most extreme cases, crime.

Though there might be a case for overemphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
in select districts, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of becoming an all around person. Those who possess certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as a sharp memory and logical thinking, will perform better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
like math and physics. This means that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are rewarded
and may become over-developed at the expense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
work such as spatial thinking and multi-tasking. Graduates who know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
their teachers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects will find themselves lacking in real world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Adding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
goes a long way towards making this a reality.

In conclusion
, the argument for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
niche segments of society and learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
has tremendous benefits. Schools should find ways to balance both despite external pressure from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and parents for the reductive measure of higher
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
marks
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Your University is planning to allow students to watch TV in theirs dormitories. What is your opinion and why? What are the advantages and disadvantages of watching TV in dormitories? Include reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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