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In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway line for very fast trains between cities. Other believes the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give you own opinion v.10

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway line for very fast trains between cities. Other believes the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. 10
In the modern world some people think it is compulsory to use a large amount of money for development of new railway lines for fast track from one city to 2nd city. However, but other people think the government would upgrade the older public transport and spend money. In my opinion, I think both are important because if we improve the railway lines then they consume less time and the public transportation upgrade there will be comfortable for the national people. Firstly, the government should government should improve the train tracks because it's very important for businessmen and some people who you want to go another city in a short time, there will be beneficial for them. Moreover, it is also beneficial for our economy because then more people use, fast train and less compared to the airlines. Secondly, it is important for safety. For example, if you have any emergency patient want to the Lahore for operation, it will be taken 3 hours, but what if we make fast track then and it took a half hour. However, if we improve local buses then and majority values will use public transport. Because it's very comfortable. Furthermore it will be improve their technology for our self. For instance, if our technology is better like electric car which is nowadays it’s the best method and I help them to improve the environment and clean the air. In conclusion, after getting all information I reach on my conclusion both are things for important to develop our country
In the modern world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is compulsory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a large amount of money for development of new railway lines for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
from one city to 2nd city.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would upgrade the older public transport and spend money. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the railway lines then they consume less time and the public transportation upgrade there will be comfortable for the national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the train
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for businessmen and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who you want to go another city in a short time, there will be beneficial for them.
Moreover
, it is
also
beneficial for our economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
then more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
train and less compared to the airlines.
Secondly
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for safety.
For example
, if you have any emergency patient want to the Lahore for operation, it will
be taken
3 hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
then and it took a half hour.

However
, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
local buses then and majority values will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transport.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
it will be
Consider using the past participle "improved"?
improve
their technology for our self.
For instance
, if our technology is better like electric car which is nowadays it’s the best method and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the environment and clean the air.

In conclusion
, after getting all information I reach on my conclusion both are things for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to develop our country
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway line for very fast trains between cities. Other believes the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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