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Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement v.9

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. 9
By the advance of technology and the advent of television, some include television as the main reason for being less well educated among students. They also argue that television cannot assume as an educational tool and couldn’t be a substitute for books. Although I do not completely disagree with this idea, I believe there are some points need to be put forward about this which I will elaborate in the following paragraphs. All around the world children spend a great amount of time in front of the television set watching numerous programs which are mostly has produced just for entertainment them. According to psychological research were published, dedicating proper time for recreation is necessary for children and even adult which a part of this time could be allocated for watching television. Overly watching television could lead to not only educational drop but also obesity and related disease such as diabetes, therefore it should be under control. Since children are not able to schedule for their leisure time so they might end up watching tv more than they should, parents are responsible to be sure that their children are spending appropriate time watching television. Thus, assuming children are less educated today, parents should be blamed, not television. The other focus point is that though television or any other tech couldn’t and should not be considered as a substitute for books, some programs with educational purpose could be produced. In my opinion, it totally depends on us to how to use technologies to be less destructive and be more beneficial and television is not an exception. In conclusion, in our modern world with novel technologies and entertainments including television it’s hard to concentrate on the main aspects of life like education, family, exercising and etc. , especially for children. Therefore, parents should make sure that their children watch television only at times they have planned for them.
By the advance of technology and the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as the main reason for being less
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
among students. They
also
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
cannot assume as an educational tool and couldn’t be a substitute for books. Although I do not completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, I believe there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points need to
be put
forward about this which I will elaborate in the following paragraphs.

All around the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
set watching numerous programs which are
mostly
has produced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for entertainment them. According to psychological research
were published
, dedicating proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for recreation is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and even adult which a part of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could
be allocated
for watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Overly
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could lead to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
educational drop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
obesity and related disease such as diabetes,
therefore
it should be under control. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not able to schedule for their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
more than they should, parents are responsible to be sure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Thus
, assuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are less educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, parents should
be blamed
, not television.

The other focus point is that though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or any other tech couldn’t and should not
be considered
as a substitute for books,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
programs with educational purpose could
be produced
. In my opinion, it
totally
depends on us to how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technologies to be less destructive and be more beneficial and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not an exception.

In conclusion
, in our modern world with novel technologies and entertainments including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to concentrate on the main aspects of life like education, family, exercising
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
they have planned for them.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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