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People nowadays spend much more time than they should use text messages and new technologies such as social media to communicate with each other. v.1

People nowadays spend much more time than they should use text messages and new technologies such as social media to communicate with each other. v. 1
It is undeniably true that, the government must strive to use the money of the people for their betterment. Some people believe that the development of houses and roads is the best way to utilize that money rather than allocating it for the renovation of historical buildings. I agree with this point of view and following are the reasons to believe so. Firstly, providing the people with standard houses for a living, improves their lifestyle to a great extent. For example, in an underdeveloped country like Pakistan, where the living conditions do not meet a good quality, if the state built high-class housing schemes from the tax of the people, this could bring an obvious positive change in the people's reviews about their governing leaders. This is because, with the provision of good quality homes, people would get rid of paying a large amount of rent for living and this would drastically improve their financial conditions. Secondly, by creating smooth roads and highways, one of the biggest problems faced by the people, in the form of accidents and delays in reaching their destinations, could be addressed. For instance, with the recent advancement in the motorway by the National Highway Authority in Pakistan, the distance from Karachi to Islamabad, that previously took about 26 hours to be covered, is now reduced to only 16 hours. Additionally, this improvement has led to a decrease in the fare charged by the Daewoo bus service, too. To conclude, although it is essential to take an appropriate care and action to protect the heritage, and some amount of money should be reserved for this purpose, I strongly believe that, the major uplift in the lives and economy of the people, brought about by paying extra attention to constructing highways and homes is far more important. Therefore, the state must find out ways to build some excellent houses and roads to provide the maximum benefit to its people.
It is
undeniably
true that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the money of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their betterment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and roads is the best way to utilize that money
rather
than allocating it for the renovation of historical buildings. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and following are the reasons to believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Firstly
, providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with standard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for a living,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their lifestyle to a great extent.
For example
, in an underdeveloped country like Pakistan, where the living conditions do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality, if the state built high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
housing schemes from the tax of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this could bring an obvious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's reviews about their governing leaders. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, with the provision of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality homes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of paying a large amount of rent for living and this would
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their financial conditions.

Secondly
, by creating smooth roads and highways, one of the biggest problems faced by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in the form of accidents and delays in reaching their destinations, could
be addressed
.
For instance
, with the recent advancement in the motorway by the National Highway Authority in Pakistan, the distance from Karachi to Islamabad, that previously took about 26 hours to
be covered
, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
16 hours.

Additionally
, this improvement has led to a decrease in the fare charged by the Daewoo bus service, too.

To conclude
, although it is essential to take an appropriate care and action to protect the heritage, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of money should
be reserved
for this purpose, I
strongly
believe that, the major uplift in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, brought about by paying extra attention to constructing highways and homes is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Therefore
, the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find out ways to build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and roads to provide the maximum benefit to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People nowadays spend much more time than they should use text messages and new technologies such as social media to communicate with each other. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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