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Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising family‚ and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree? ? v.1

Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising family‚ and therefore the government should support them financially. ? v. 1
Nowadays, learning a foreign language has become increasingly popular among the people. A part of the society believes that in order to travel in other countries or work overseas, one must learn a secondary language. While, others think that learning a foreign language is not only limited to these reasons. This essay will discuss why language skills are important for a career and travelling but, why they offer far more benefits. It is believed by the public that one must acquire language skills before moving abroad. People who move to other countries are exposed to a global village, a place comprising of the public from various backgrounds and languages. So it becomes compulsory to have a knowledge in a language that would eliminate communication barriers among the people. For instance, students who move overseas for their higher studies are required to have proficiency in English, so that they can easily communicate with the other scholars. For this reason, it is mandatory to learn a foreign language before visiting abroad. However, mastering a foreign language is not only limited to these causes. To begin with, language has always been seen as a beautiful set of skill, and it is also associated with intelligence. For example, a person is perceived to be intellectually superior when he has command over multiple languages. Furthermore, some sacred manuscripts are not accurately translated into mainstream languages and thus, in order to get a true essence of its meaning, one must read the scripture in its original form. As an example, Japanese comics are best read in its original form, and it loses its charm when they are translated in English. Thus, foreign communication skills enable a person to explore more by reading and listening foreign materials. In conclusion, language is now a valuable tool that everyone must possess. This essay discussed various reasons behind learning a new language. In my opinion, I believe mastering a secondary language is not only limited for a career and expeditions but also for other sources.
Nowadays, learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has become
increasingly
popular among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. A part of the society believes that in order to travel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries or work overseas, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn a secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited to these reasons. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a career and travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, why they offer far more benefits.

It
is believed
by the public that one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
moving abroad.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries
are exposed
to a global village, a place
Did you mean "comprising" or "consisting of"?
comprising of
the public from various backgrounds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it becomes compulsory to have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "knowledge".
a knowledge
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
that would eliminate communication barriers among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
overseas for their higher studies
are required
to have proficiency in English,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
easily
communicate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
scholars.
For this reason
, it is mandatory to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
visiting abroad.

However
, mastering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited to these causes. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has always been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, and it is
also
associated with intelligence.
For example
, a person
is perceived
to be
intellectually
superior when he has command over multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sacred manuscripts are not
accurately
translated into mainstream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and
thus
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a true essence of its meaning, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
read the scripture in its original form. As an example, Japanese comics are best read in its original form, and it loses its charm when they
are translated
in English.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
enable a person to explore more by reading and listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
materials.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a valuable tool that everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
possess. This essay discussed various reasons behind learning a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. In my opinion, I believe mastering a secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited for a career and expeditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising family‚ and therefore the government should support them financially. ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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