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Many companies sell products or services but at the same time cause environmental damage. Someone said it can be stop by ask them to pay penalty, such as a higher tax when they cause the environmental damage. Others said there are better ways to stop them v.1

Many companies sell products or services but at the same time cause environmental damage. Someone said it can be stop by ask them to pay penalty, such as a higher tax when they cause the environmental damage. Others said there are better ways to stop them v. 1
Interpersonal growth and development is vital before maturity. Furthermore, as the young ones grow older, their social behaviour is uniquely altered. Examples of such are the following: one, the children tend to the dependent with their parents, but as they become adults, they seek lesser advice from their parents; ultimately, the society is being divided by introvert and extrovert individuals who were jollier and more talkative when they were younger. Further dissimilarities between the juvenile and matured citizens will be discussed in this essay as well as their the positive effects of such changes. In certain demographics of the world, the roles and responsibilities of parents to their descendants are crucial. Their words and guidance undeniably needed by their children to the extent that they seek for it every now and then. However, as they turn to their adult stages, these young ones progressively become independent and the value of their parents is overshadowed by their peers. For instance, a 9-year-old daughter always want to spend their vacations with their family, but when she becomes a teenager, she will be more interested in going out, to watch movies, to celebrate occasions, to name a few, with her acquaintance. Moreover, the inquisitive and playful juvenile behaviour are being refashioned depending on how their environment moulds them - some may develop outgoing personality, while others may become introverts. Clearly, interpersonal attitudes change as one aged. On the other hand, some major differences between and pre-puberty individual and that of mature ones are existential. Firstly, the former has an underdeveloped social skills in which he/she can be insensitive at times. They are more fragile of having conflicts, particularly with their people of the same age. Meanwhile, adults can avoid misunderstandings as they are more experienced in terms of maintaining a positive social relationship. Secondarily, a child may imitate words that are not suitable for others while its counterpart can discern good from bad. These refinements are zealously vital as the world will only unite when there is a guidance of matured humankind. Undeniably, proper parenting as well as instilling values in achieving effective relationship to every child is an essential responsibility of an immediate forebears. In conclusion, the social refinements from different stages of life are being influenced by the people around them. Therefore it is important to impart positive attitudes to prevent future miscommunication or misinterpretation.
Interpersonal growth and development is vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
maturity.
Furthermore
, as the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
grow older, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
uniquely
altered. Examples of such are the following: one, the children tend to the dependent with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
adults, they seek lesser advice from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
;
ultimately
, the society is
being divided
by introvert and extrovert individuals who were jollier and more talkative when they were younger.
Further
dissimilarities between the juvenile and matured citizens will
be discussed
in this essay
as well
as their the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

In certain demographics of the world, the roles and responsibilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to their descendants are crucial. Their words and guidance
undeniably
needed by their children to the extent that they seek for it every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then.
However
, as they turn to their adult stages, these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
progressively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
independent and the value of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is overshadowed
by their peers.
For instance
, a 9-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
daughter always want to spend their vacations with their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
, she will be more interested in going out, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies, to celebrate occasions, to name a few, with her acquaintance.
Moreover
, the inquisitive and playful juvenile
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are
being refashioned
depending on how their environment
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulds' is British English.
moulds
them
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may develop outgoing personality, while others may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
introverts.
Clearly
, interpersonal attitudes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as one aged.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major differences between and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-puberty
individual and that of mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are existential.
Firstly
, the former has an underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in which he/she can be insensitive at times. They are more fragile of having conflicts,
particularly
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the same age. Meanwhile, adults can avoid misunderstandings as they are more experienced in terms of maintaining a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationship.
Secondarily
, a child may imitate words that are not suitable for others while its counterpart can discern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. These refinements are
zealously
vital as the world will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
unite when there is a guidance of matured humankind.
Undeniably
, proper parenting
as well
as instilling values in achieving effective relationship to every child is an essential responsibility of an immediate
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "forebear"?
forebears
.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
refinements from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages of life are
being influenced
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to impart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitudes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
future miscommunication or misinterpretation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Many companies sell products or services but at the same time cause environmental damage. Someone said it can be stop by ask them to pay penalty, such as a higher tax when they cause the environmental damage. Others said there are better ways to stop them v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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