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Many people believe that the gap between rich and poor is widening nowadays, because in the current economic situation the rich become richer while the poor become poorer. What are the problems this situation may cause? What measures can be taken to solve v.1

Many people believe that the gap between rich and poor is widening nowadays, because in the current economic situation the rich become richer while the poor become poorer. What are the problems this situation may cause? What measures can be taken to solve v. 1
In the modern world, many individuals are concerned about the cognitive skills of young generation, because their education is essential for building a bright future. In this regard, there is an opinion that that doing creative activities can be beneficial for children rather than reading books or writing tasks without clear understanding. There is no denying that in order to gain knowledge children should be involved in studying process, because without interest and passion, they cannot achieve high results in the academic sphere. It is widely accepted that creative activities, such as intellectual games, can be comprehensive for school students. A good illustration of this is video games. According to the research of university of Harvard in 2009, pupils are keen to receive information more easily, when they read interesting fact in the video game. On the other hand, creative activities can distract students from their main purpose. It is widely known that although such kind of method can be a viable option, it can divert students’ attention from studying processes, because reading books or writing by hand without any creative activities can be an arduous task for them. To illustrate, in order to become a well-known scientist, students are supposed to read a plethora of books and magazines. However, due to their habits of doing things only when it involves a creative activity can be detrimental to them, because they cannot concentrate on reading books more properly. As a result, they cannot accomplish their purposes. To conclude, although many individuals tend to think that doing creative activities can be harmful for children, because it can distract them from their study, others feel that it can be beneficial for young generation, because they can receive information more easily.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
are concerned
about the cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of young generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their education is essential for building a bright future. In this regard, there is an opinion that that doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can be beneficial for children
rather
than reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or writing tasks without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
understanding.

There is no denying that in order to gain knowledge children should
be involved
in studying process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without interest and passion, they cannot achieve high results in the academic sphere. It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as intellectual games, can be comprehensive for school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is video games. According to the research of university of Harvard in 2009, pupils are keen to receive information more
easily
, when they read interesting fact in the video game.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from their main purpose. It is
widely
known that although such kind of method can be a viable option, it can divert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
attention from studying processes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or writing by hand without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can be an arduous task for them. To illustrate, in order to become a well-known scientist,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are supposed
to read a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and magazines.
However
, due to their habits of doing things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when it involves a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
can be detrimental to them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot concentrate on reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
more
properly
.
As a result
, they cannot accomplish their purposes.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can be harmful for children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can distract them from their study, others feel that it can be beneficial for young generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can receive information more
easily
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that the gap between rich and poor is widening nowadays, because in the current economic situation the rich become richer while the poor become poorer. What are the problems this situation may cause? What measures can be taken to solve v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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