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People nowadays spend much more time than they should use text messages and new technologies such as social media to communicate with each other. v.2

People nowadays spend much more time than they should use text messages and new technologies such as social media to communicate with each other. v. 2
The first thing I do after get up every day is to turn on my cell phone and check all the messages form social apps, such as Facebook, Instagram, and WeChat, which usually take me more than 30 minutes. Through new technologies, messages can be sent back and forth with ease. Some experts, as well as the elder people, complain that social media wastes young people too much time and the young should use their time doing other things more meaningful. According to my perspective, however, it is necessary for people to spend time on social media. First of all, the more times people use social media to communicate, the closer they are. Since the people’s jobs nowadays are with relatively less leisure time, people have few chance to meet and have the face-to-face conversation with their friends. Therefore, in order to maintain close friendships with them, it is a good way to make full use of social media. With their help, greetings can be sent between friends as often as possible and in-depth chats and discussions can be carried out frequently. In this case, both sides can feel that they are being thought of by the other even if they are unable to hang out in person for a while. Secondly, the distance between people can be narrowed by using social media and sending messages. With the process of globalization, increasing people have opportunities to learn different languages and cultures. Hence, social apps can provide people precious chances to meet different people from various countries. I am interested in foreign languages and keep learning them, but my hometown is a small city where no foreigner lives. By using social media, I can easily find foreigners who are willing to help me to better understand and form a clearer picture of their countries. It takes me a hug amount time to ask and answer questions about them. However, I believe it is totally worthwhile. Undeniable, indulging in using social media can cause problems of getting along well with others in real life and hinder people’s jobs. In light of the above-mentioned possibility, I suggest that the young should care more about family members and friends around them. Some things, like chatting online during a family reunion, using phones in business meetings or making foreign friends when you are having fun with friends in person, should be avoided. Thus, people may not ignore their relations in real life and only think about net pals. In conclusion, spending time on social media is an inevitable trend in today’s society which can bring lots of advantages to people. Everybody should embrace it as long as they can remember to pay enough attention in daily life.
The
first
thing I do after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up every day is to turn on my cell phone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
all the messages form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
apps, such as Facebook, Instagram, and WeChat, which
usually
take me more than 30 minutes. Through new technologies, messages can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
back and forth with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts,
as well
as the elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, complain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
wastes young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and the young should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing other things more meaningful. According to my perspective,
however
, it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to communicate, the closer they are. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
jobs nowadays are with
relatively
less leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Possible agreement error. The noun chance seems to be countable; consider using: "few chances".
few chance
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and have the face-to-face conversation with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Therefore
, in order to maintain close friendships with them, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. With their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, greetings can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
as possible and in-depth chats and discussions can
be carried
out
frequently
.
In this case
, both sides can feel that they are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of by the other even if they are unable to hang out in person for a while.

Secondly
, the distance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be narrowed
by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and sending messages. With the process of globalization, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have opportunities to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages and cultures.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
apps can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
precious chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various countries. I
am interested
in foreign languages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
learning them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my hometown is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
city where no foreigner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. By using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, I can
easily
find foreigners who are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to better understand and form a clearer picture of their countries. It takes me a hug amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to ask and answer questions about them.
However
, I believe it is
totally
worthwhile.

Undeniable, indulging in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can cause problems of getting along well with others in real life and hinder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
jobs. In light of the above-mentioned possibility, I suggest that the young should care more about family members and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
around them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
things, like chatting online during a family reunion, using phones in business meetings or making foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
when you are having fun with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in person, should
be avoided
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their relations in real life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about net pals.

In conclusion
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is an inevitable trend in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society which can bring lots of advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Everybody should embrace it as long as they can remember to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention in daily life.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People nowadays spend much more time than they should use text messages and new technologies such as social media to communicate with each other. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
452 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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