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If you want to change one aspect to improve your health, which would you choose? Why? 1. The kinds of food you eat 2. The amount of the exercise you do 3. The amount of the stress in your life v.2

If you want to change one aspect to improve your health, which would you choose? Why? 1. The kinds of food you eat 2. The amount of the exercise you do 3. The amount of the stress in your life v. 2
It is inevitable that health plays an important role in our daily life and every people hope themselves can have a strong body. Therefore, it raises the question that how can we improve our health. I take the position that by altering the amount of stress in my life is the most effective way. First, I will reduce the stress in my life because by doing this, I can look at things on the bright side, which can improve my health. On the contrary, if our lives are full of pressure, we will be in bad mood for the whole day. Take myself for example. When I was a freshman, I did not have any friend in the school, which worried me a lot. At that time, I always ate my dinner alone and seldom communicated with others. However, no matter how hard I tried to make friends with others, I still could not blend in with my classmates. That was why I felt stressful at that period and in the various circle, my mental and physical health become worse and worse. Thankfully, my professor noticed my situation and sent me to the class which taught students how to make friends in the group. After the class, I learned a lot of skills and finally find some classmates in common interests, causing all my health problems disappearing in a second. Furthermore, the reason why we have the stress is that we have too many things to conduct but have little time. And when we want to complete all those things, our health will decrease. However, it is conceivable that not everything is important to us. If we can focus on really essential things, then we can reduce the pressure and improve our health. Take my father for example. When I was young, my father in order to take care of the family, he not only worked until midnight on weekdays to earn more money but also bring us to play at weekend. For years and years exhausting, he was sick. And the doctor told him that human was not the robot and could not do too many things at the same time. Hence, my father decided to only concentrate on his family now, which deduces his stress significantly and recover the health. Many people may argue that the food and the exercise are also important factors to the health. Nevertheless, I insist that the stress is the main factor because by reducing stress, we can also increase our mental health. In contrast, if we only change the food we eat or just enhance the time we work out, it only can affect the physical health. In conclusion, I hold the belief that changing the amount of stress in my life can improve my health because it not only can help me become the optimistic person but also can change my lifestyle.
It is inevitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hope themselves can have a strong body.
Therefore
, it raises the question that how can we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. I take the position that by altering the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is the most effective way.

First
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by doing this, I can look at things on the bright side, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
On the contrary
, if our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are full of pressure, we will be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
mood for the whole day. Take myself
for example
. When I was a freshman, I did not have any friend in the school, which worried me a lot. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I always ate my dinner alone and seldom communicated with others.
However
, no matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
I tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with others, I
still
could not blend in with my classmates. That was why I felt stressful at that period and in the various circle, my mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
become worse and worse.
Thankfully
, my professor noticed my situation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
me to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
which taught students how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends in the group. After the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, I learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
finally
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classmates in common interests, causing all my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems disappearing in a second.

Furthermore
, the reason why we have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is that we have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to conduct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. And when we want to complete all those things, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will decrease.
However
, it is conceivable that not everything is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to us. If we can focus on
really
essential things, then we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Take my father
for example
. When I was young, my father in order to take care of the family, he not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
worked until midnight on weekdays to earn more money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
bring us to play at weekend. For years and years exhausting, he was sick. And the doctor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
him that human was not the robot and could not do too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Hence
, my father decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
concentrate on his family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, which deduces his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
significantly
and recover the health.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may argue that the food and the exercise are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Nevertheless
, I insist that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is the main factor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, we can
also
increase our mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
In contrast
, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the food we eat or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we work
Did you mean "our"?
out
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
can affect the physical health.

In conclusion
, I hold the belief that changing the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me become the optimistic person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my lifestyle.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay If you want to change one aspect to improve your health, which would you choose? Why? 1. The kinds of food you eat 2. The amount of the exercise you do 3. The amount of the stress in your life v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
481 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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