Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

If you want to change one aspect to improve your health, which would you choose? Why? 1. The kinds of food you eat 2. The amount of the exercise you do 3. The amount of the stress in your life v.2

If you want to change one aspect to improve your health, which would you choose? Why? 1. The kinds of food you eat 2. The amount of the exercise you do 3. The amount of the stress in your life v. 2
It is inevitable that health plays an important role in our daily life and every people hope themselves can have a strong body. Therefore, it raises the question that how can we improve our health. I take the position that by altering the amount of stress in my life is the most effective way. First, I will reduce the stress in my life because by doing this, I can look at things on the bright side, which can improve my health. On the contrary, if our lives are full of pressure, we will be in bad mood for the whole day. Take myself for example. When I was a freshman, I did not have any friend in the school, which worried me a lot. At that time, I always ate my dinner alone and seldom communicated with others. However, no matter how hard I tried to make friends with others, I still could not blend in with my classmates. That was why I felt stressful at that period and in the various circle, my mental and physical health become worse and worse. Thankfully, my professor noticed my situation and sent me to the class which taught students how to make friends in the group. After the class, I learned a lot of skills and finally find some classmates in common interests, causing all my health problems disappearing in a second. Furthermore, the reason why we have the stress is that we have too many things to conduct but have little time. And when we want to complete all those things, our health will decrease. However, it is conceivable that not everything is important to us. If we can focus on really essential things, then we can reduce the pressure and improve our health. Take my father for example. When I was young, my father in order to take care of the family, he not only worked until midnight on weekdays to earn more money but also bring us to play at weekend. For years and years exhausting, he was sick. And the doctor told him that human was not the robot and could not do too many things at the same time. Hence, my father decided to only concentrate on his family now, which deduces his stress significantly and recover the health. Many people may argue that the food and the exercise are also important factors to the health. Nevertheless, I insist that the stress is the main factor because by reducing stress, we can also increase our mental health. In contrast, if we only change the food we eat or just enhance the time we work out, it only can affect the physical health. In conclusion, I hold the belief that changing the amount of stress in my life can improve my health because it not only can help me become the optimistic person but also can change my lifestyle.
It is inevitable that
health
plays an
important
role in our daily
life
and every
people
hope themselves can have a strong body.
Therefore
, it raises the question that how can we
improve
our
health
. I take the position that by altering the amount of
stress
in my
life
is the most effective way.

First
, I will
reduce
the
stress
in my
life
because
by doing this, I can look at things on the bright side, which can
improve
my
health
.
On the contrary
, if our
lives
are full of pressure, we will be in
bad
mood for the whole day. Take myself
for example
. When I was a freshman, I did not have any friend in the school, which worried me a lot. At that
time
, I always ate my dinner alone and seldom communicated with others.
However
, no matter how
hard
I tried to
make
friends with others, I
still
could not blend in with my classmates. That was why I felt stressful at that period and in the various circle, my mental and physical
health
become worse and worse.
Thankfully
, my professor noticed my situation and
sent
me to the
class
which taught students how to
make
friends in the group. After the
class
, I learned
a lot of
skills
and
finally
find
some
classmates in common interests, causing all my
health
problems disappearing in a second.

Furthermore
, the reason why we have the
stress
is that we have too
many
things to conduct
but
have
little
time
. And when we want to complete all those things, our
health
will decrease.
However
, it is conceivable that not everything is
important
to us. If we can focus on
really
essential things, then we can
reduce
the pressure and
improve
our
health
. Take my father
for example
. When I was young, my father in order to take care of the family, he not
only
worked until midnight on weekdays to earn more money
but
also
bring us to play at weekend. For years and years exhausting, he was sick. And the doctor
told
him that human was not the robot and could not do too
many
things at the same
time
.
Hence
, my father decided to
only
concentrate on his family
now
, which deduces his
stress
significantly
and recover the health.

Many
people
may argue that the food and the exercise are
also
important
factors to the
health
.
Nevertheless
, I insist that the
stress
is the main factor
because
by reducing
stress
, we can
also
increase our mental
health
.
In contrast
, if we
only
change
the food we eat or
just
enhance the
time
we work
out
, it
only
can affect the physical health.

In conclusion
, I hold the belief that changing the amount of
stress
in my
life
can
improve
my
health
because
it not
only
can
help
me become the optimistic person
but
also
can
change
my lifestyle.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay If you want to change one aspect to improve your health, which would you choose? Why? 1. The kinds of food you eat 2. The amount of the exercise you do 3. The amount of the stress in your life v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
481 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts