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Nowadays the crime rate is increasing, especially among teenagers. What are the reasons behind it? How can we reverse this trend? What punishment methods should be used, in your opinion? v.4

Nowadays the crime rate is increasing, especially among teenagers. What are the reasons behind it? How can we reverse this trend? What punishment methods should be used, in your opinion? v. 4
In the modern world, the inequality distribution of welfare and social disagreement between the poor and wealthy people can lead to the higher offence rate. Accordingly, modern people are worried about the level of criminality, especially minor offences among the youngsters. In this regard, personally, I believe that stick punishment methods for criminals can solve the problem. On the one hand, it is true that poverty can lead to the law breaking. In this case, some individuals from poor communities can commit the crime because of shortage of money and fortune. Furthermore, teenagers are keen to break the law because of their illiteracy. In addition, they do not aware of consequences of offences. For example, there are stick punishments for minor crimes such as shoplifting and fraud. However, many youngsters commit the wrongdoings, and regret about their actions after the judge’s sentence. On the other hand, authorities are able to reduce the level of offences. In the regard, there are many ways to prevent the criminals from committing the crime. For instance, informing the citizens about the consequences of offences though the mass media and TV programs can be a viable option. Moreover, they can introduce new methods of punishments and fines. To illustrate, for serious type of law breaking such as money laundering, kidnaping or bribery, the perpetrators can be sentenced to the capital punishment or a life-sentence. In conclusion, although many people believe that reducing crime rate is impossible, authorities can alleviate the situation by introducing new methods of judgments and penalties. However, personally, I believe that the legislation branch should be sticking for certain types of wrongdoings such as blackmailing and extortion.
In the modern world, the inequality distribution of welfare and social disagreement between the poor and wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can lead to the higher
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
rate.
Accordingly
, modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are worried
about the level of criminality,
especially
minor
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
among the youngsters. In this regard,
personally
, I believe that stick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
methods for criminals can solve the problem.

On the one hand, it is true that poverty can lead to the law breaking.
In this case
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals from poor communities can commit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of shortage of money and fortune.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are keen to break the law
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their illiteracy.
In addition
, they do not aware of consequences of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.
For example
, there are stick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as shoplifting and fraud.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters commit the wrongdoings, and regret about their actions after the judge’s sentence.

On the other hand
, authorities are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
. In the regard, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the criminals from committing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For instance
, informing the citizens about the consequences of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
though the mass media and TV programs can be a viable option.
Moreover
, they can introduce new methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
and fines. To illustrate, for serious type of law breaking such as money laundering,
Possible spelling mistake found.
kidnaping
or bribery, the perpetrators can
be sentenced
to the capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
or a life-sentence.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is impossible, authorities can alleviate the situation by introducing new methods of judgments and penalties.
However
,
personally
, I believe that the legislation branch should be sticking for certain types of wrongdoings such as blackmailing and extortion.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the crime rate is increasing, especially among teenagers. What are the reasons behind it? How can we reverse this trend? What punishment methods should be used, in your opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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