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Some people said that with the help of parenting and child development courses parents can improve the life of children. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people said that with the help of parenting and child development courses parents can improve the life of children. v. 2
Improving children's lives is the primary goal of every parent. Especially in this competitive world, parents want to make their children capable to compete in the global market. It is commonly believed that, parenting and child development lessons can be beneficial to make children's lives better. I too totally agree with this view and the reasons of my inclination are explained in trailed paragraphs. To begin with, nurturing kids is not a child's play. It needs an in-depth knowledge and a thorough understanding about the psychology of kids. Therefore, today, a number of programmes on parenting are available on-line and off-line as well, which teach parents how to deal with little ones in a specific situation. So that, parents can easily understand their kids and make their lives happier. For example, it has been surveyed by a local newspaper that, children who are nurtured by guided parents are more successful in their social and professional lives. Moreover, various kinds of improvement courses, such as art, painting, dancing, yoga, and karate for kids are emerging in the market, to instil important skills in them at the early stage of their life. Additionally, the teachers and syllabus of these lessons are chosen with a great care. So, every kid can get proper knowledge respective of their mental stability. It is scientifically proven that, some activities like dancing, exercising and playing a game are beneficial for children to learn the lessons of team-working and discipline, which are essential for their future. To conclude, basic guidelines for parenting and other child development classes are definitely useful for both parents and kids. So, according to me, for the betterment of the kids, every parent should accept this new learning culture.
Improving children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is the primary goal of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
.
Especially
in this competitive world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their children capable to compete in the global market. It is
commonly
believed that, parenting and child development lessons can be beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better. I too
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and the reasons of my inclination are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in trailed paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is not a child's play. It needs an in-depth knowledge and a thorough understanding about the psychology of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, a number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on parenting are available on-line and off-line
as well
, which teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
how to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones in a specific situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
easily
understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
happier.
For example
, it has
been surveyed
by a local newspaper that, children who
are nurtured
by guided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more successful in their social and professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Moreover
, various kinds of improvement courses, such as art, painting, dancing, yoga, and karate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are emerging in the market, to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in them at the early stage of their life.
Additionally
, the teachers and syllabus of these lessons
are chosen
with a great care.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper knowledge respective of their mental stability. It is
scientifically
proven that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities like dancing, exercising and playing a game are beneficial for children to learn the lessons of team-working and discipline, which are essential for their future.

To conclude
, basic guidelines for parenting and other child development classes are definitely useful for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, according to me, for the betterment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should accept this new learning culture.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people said that with the help of parenting and child development courses parents can improve the life of children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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