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People nowadays are buying wider range of household things (for example: TV, rice cooker) than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

People nowadays are buying wider range of household things (for example: TV, rice cooker) than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
The demand for household goods is growing considerably in recent years. While this trend can be positive to some extent, I would argue that it is more negative. On the one hand, purchasing more electronic products can be beneficial in some ways. Firstly, because of technological advances, there are an increasing number of cutting-edge products designed to make people’s life much more convenient. For example, instead of washing clothes by hands, people now can use washing machines which help to save time and energy. As a result, modern goods can help people to reach a higher living standard. Secondly, technological devices such as smartphone, laptop, and television are considered as a common mean of entertainment currently. Without these products, people may find it difficult to find an available source of entertainment at home. On the other hand, I believe that the potential drawbacks of buying more household things are more significant. Primarily, people now tend to make many purchase decisions although they do not truly need it, which results in wasting a huge amount of money on unnecessary things. For example, in spite of the fact that my friend’s phone still works well, she usually changes it to the new one to catch-up with new trends. In addition, due to the growing consumption of household products, factories and production companies have to exploit natural resources to produce more goods. This will lead to a lack of natural resource and environmental degradation. Furthermore, the availability and the convenience of modern goods may result in human’s sedentary lifestyle, which is responsible for some serious ailments such as obesity, heart attack, and high blood pressure. In conclusion, buying a wider range of household things have some positive impacts, I agree with the idea that the drawbacks of this tendency are greater.
The demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
is growing
considerably
in recent years. While this trend can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I would argue that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

On the one hand, purchasing more electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technological advances, there are an increasing number of cutting-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
designed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life much more convenient.
For example
,
instead
of washing clothes by hands,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
washing machines which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save time and energy.
As a result
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach a higher living standard.
Secondly
, technological devices such as smartphone, laptop, and television
are considered
as a common mean of entertainment
currently
. Without these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may find it difficult to find an available source of entertainment at home.

On the other hand
, I believe that the potential drawbacks of buying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
things are more significant.
Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
decisions although they do not
truly
need it, which results in wasting a huge amount of money on unnecessary things.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that my friend’s phone
still
works well, she
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
it to the new one to catch-up with new trends.
In addition
, due to the growing consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, factories and production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
exploit natural resources to produce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. This will lead to a lack of natural resource and environmental degradation.
Furthermore
, the availability and the convenience of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
may result in human’s sedentary lifestyle, which is responsible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious ailments such as obesity, heart attack, and high blood pressure.

In conclusion
, buying a wider range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
things have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the drawbacks of this tendency are greater.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay People nowadays are buying wider range of household things (for example: TV, rice cooker) than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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