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People nowadays are buying a wider range of household things (for example television, rice cooker) than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

People nowadays are buying a wider range of household things (for example television, rice cooker) than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
The cutting-edge technologies such as a smart TV, washing machine, and remote controlled technics have brought significant change to our lives in recent years. Yet, there remains some disagreement as to whether the overall effect of this technology has been positive or negative. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary. I personally believe that the benefits of the groundbreaking technologies far outweigh their drawbacks. First of all, it is undisputable fact that, the household things have revolutionized our lifestyle. In my view, an electro-cooking machine, vacuum cleaner ameliorate peoples’ life to the better side. People do not clean the room or cook the lunch or dinner by a hand. The cutting-edge technics help to people with house chores. As a result, the society members can save their time and dedicate it to children upbringing, reading books or attending to sports clubs. Moreover, people are able to set their own cinema at home and also save their budget that they spent to real cinema’s ticket in the past. On the other hand, some people put forward the opinion that these trends deteriorate people life style and health. The household things owners do not move to turn on the TV or washing machine and rule the Smart TV or car by the remote control. Doctors concern that sedentary lifestyle leads to overweighting and diabetes. Moreover, grandparents who never see such as things think that their children and grandchildren are lazy. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that household things have a positive impact on modern life because of their influence on time management and saving peoples’ budget.
The cutting-edge technologies such as a smart TV, washing machine, and remote controlled
Possible spelling mistake found.
technics
have brought significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in recent years.
Yet
, there remains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagreement
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
the
overall
effect of this technology has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
there are
certainly
valid arguments to the contrary. I
personally
believe that the benefits of the groundbreaking technologies far outweigh their drawbacks.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undisputable fact that, the household things have revolutionized our lifestyle. In my view, an
Possible spelling mistake found.
electro-cooking
machine, vacuum cleaner ameliorate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
life to the better side.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not clean the room or cook the lunch or dinner by a hand. The cutting-edge
Possible spelling mistake found.
technics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores.
As a result
, the society members can save their time and dedicate it to children upbringing, reading books or attending to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
clubs.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to set their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cinema at home and
also
save their budget that they spent to real cinema’s ticket in the past.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put forward the opinion that these trends deteriorate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life style and health. The household things owners do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to turn on the TV or washing machine and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
the Smart TV or car by the remote control. Doctors concern that sedentary lifestyle leads to
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
and diabetes.
Moreover
, grandparents who never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
such as things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their children and grandchildren are lazy.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that household things have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on modern life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their influence on time management and saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
budget.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay People nowadays are buying a wider range of household things (for example television, rice cooker) than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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