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Some people think it is better to give donations to local charitable organizations, while others choose to give to national or international bodies. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think it is better to give donations to local charitable organizations, while others choose to give to national or international bodies. v. 2
These days, donating money to the needy is a humanitarian activity that has been embraced by individuals around the world. While some people deem that donors should do charity straight to the local community, my conviction is that it would be better to support the national or international charitable foundations. On the one hand, a number of philanthropists opt to directly give financial support or contributions of tangible items to the local funds. The reason is that local charities have a better understanding of their locality’s demands and local context via hands-on conversation with suffered people. For example, knowing the issue of fresh water deficits in south western Vietnam, local foundations prioritize to build a water supply station instead of road expansion. In addition, people who give donations to local charity are aware of their social responsibility for local community where they live or work. This means that they often give direct donations to local organizations to draw the public’s attention in the local area. On the other hand, I argue that donors should prefer to provide help or support national or international organizations. Firstly, this is because international charities are major organizations which could provide financial and human resources to aid in emergencies such as epidemics, natural or man-made disasters, as well as long-term planning. The World Heath Organization, for instance, not only released one million dollar from its emergency fund, but also mobilized a number of doctors to address the outbreaks again of the Ebola virus in Africa, which is impossible for local organizations. Secondly, misappropriation of funds is becoming an issue of broad interest in fundraisers. However, it is harder for officials or international charities to embezzle funds from contributors because they are under such scrutiny and subject to the laws of various nations. In conclusion, in my opinion, national or international charitable organizations are still preferable to local ones due to the above reasons.
These days, donating money to the needy is a humanitarian activity that has
been embraced
by individuals around the world. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
deem that donors should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
straight to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community, my conviction is that it would be better to support the national or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
charitable foundations.

On the one hand, a number of philanthropists opt to
directly
give financial support or contributions of tangible items to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
funds. The reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
have a better understanding of their locality’s demands and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
context via hands-on conversation with suffered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, knowing the issue of fresh water deficits in south western Vietnam,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
foundations prioritize to build a water supply station
instead
of road expansion.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who give donations to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
are aware of their social responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or work. This means that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
give direct donations to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
to draw the public’s attention in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
area.

On the other hand
, I argue that donors should prefer to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or support national or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
.
Firstly
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
are major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
which could provide financial and human resources to aid in emergencies such as epidemics, natural or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made disasters,
as well
as long-term planning. The World Heath
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Organization
,
for instance
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
released one million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
from its emergency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mobilized a number of doctors to address the outbreaks again of the Ebola virus in Africa, which is impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
.
Secondly
, misappropriation of funds is becoming an issue of broad interest in fundraisers.
However
, it is harder for officials or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
to embezzle funds from contributors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are under such scrutiny and subject to the laws of various nations.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, national or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
are
still
preferable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
ones due to the above reasons.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people think it is better to give donations to local charitable organizations, while others choose to give to national or international bodies. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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