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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. v. 8
History has an important role to play in the knowledge acquisition process of children. While I agree that learning local history is important, I also contend that world history should not be overlooked because of the benefits it brings to children. On the one hand, studying local history pays dividends for the growth of a child. Facts and figures in textbooks can help these young individuals to pay homage to former soldiers and ancestors who had sacrificed their lives for the independence of the country. Students may also learn their origins and cultures though historical lessons, which reminds them of their roots and contributes to an all-round education. In Vietnam, for example, historical lessons are included in the curriculum of all school levels, and this helps to instil love for the country into young people. Needless to say, history has become an essential part of the education system in Vietnam. On the other hand, it is wrong to neglect the teaching of world history. As the world has become more open, today’s global citizens should learn more about other countries and regions to assimilate into the global community. For instance, many Vietnamese students may find it exhilarating to know that English people fled to America and formed a great country, and for this reason, the people of the two countries speak the same language and have many cultures in common. Studying the world’s history also broadens children’s horizon, and they can learn to accept divergent cultures and customs that exist, making life more interesting. In conclusion, it is necessary for children to develop a passion for both local and world history in contemporary society. There should be no comparison between the two areas of the subject because they contribute equally to the overall development of a child.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to play in the knowledge acquisition process of children. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that learning local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, I
also
contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should not
be overlooked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the benefits it brings to children.

On the one hand, studying local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
pays dividends for the growth of a child. Facts and figures in textbooks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these young individuals to pay homage to former soldiers and ancestors who had sacrificed their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for the independence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Students may
also
learn their origins and cultures though historical lessons, which reminds them of their roots and contributes to an all-round education. In Vietnam,
for example
, historical lessons
are included
in the curriculum of all school levels, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
into young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Needless to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
has become an essential part of the education system in Vietnam.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to neglect the teaching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has become more open,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s global citizens should learn more about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and regions to assimilate into the global community.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Vietnamese students may find it exhilarating to know that English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fled to America and formed a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and
for this reason
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
speak the same language and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures in common. Studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
also
broadens children’s horizon, and they can learn to accept divergent cultures and customs that exist, making life more interesting.

In conclusion
, it is necessary for children to develop a passion for both local and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in contemporary society. There should be no comparison between the two areas of the subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contribute
equally
to the
overall
development of a child.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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