Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People now spend more and more time at home than in the past. What are the reasons for this development and what its effects on people and society. v.1

People now spend more and more time at home than in the past. What are the reasons for this development and what its effects on people and society. v. 1
Nowadays, people are increasingly spending extensive amount of time at home. While technological development and change in employment structure are responsible for this growing trend, it has immense impact on the individuals and the society at large that we will be considering in this essay. One compelling reason why people remain indoors in this generation far longer than at previous times is because of growth in technology. In other words, many people find the opportunity that technological advancement provides as a good reason to spend less time outdoors. For example, the advances in computer and internet have given rise to social media, which has substituted for a number of people the need to meet face to face that is usually required to keep relationships going. This is because you can make video calls and avoid meeting with friends these days unlike in past generations. Inaddition, a shift in workplace organization has contributed greatly to individuals remaining indoors more than what was obtainable in the past. Presently, numerous companies and businesses allow their staff to work from home and this is something that was erstwhile absent in the workplace setup. This further reduces the length of time these employees have to be away from home. Undoubtedly, this development has impacted significantly on people and the wider society. Owing to people spending preponderance amount of the time available to them indoors, they are burgeoningly growing lonely. For instance, when people spend bulk of their time at home watching television, they hardly have time to socialize with their peers. Consequently, the number of lonely people in our society has increased. Also, this has culminated in rising health concern for individuals and the society. Researches have shown that humans are social animals that if isolated for extended duration, get adversely affected. This results in mental challenge problems, which is why people become driven to insanity and suicidal thoughts when incarcerated over time. The enormous cost of managing these problems is a serious drawback for nations around the world such as Lithuania where suicide rate has reportedly snowballed for this reason. In conclusion, for some obvious reasons that are examined in this article, the trend of people living apart from others by spending more of their time at home has led to having huge population of lonely people and surging mental health concern that is having damaging effects on individuals and the society. Given this situation, concerted effort should be made by everyone in order to forestall this negative development.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
increasingly
spending extensive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home. While technological development and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in employment structure are responsible for this growing trend, it has immense impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
at large that we will be considering in this essay.

One compelling reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain indoors in this generation far longer than at previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of growth in technology.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find the opportunity that technological advancement provides as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outdoors.
For example
, the advances in computer and internet have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to social media, which has substituted for a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
face to face
that is
usually
required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
relationships going. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video calls and avoid meeting with friends these days unlike in past generations.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inaddition
, a shift in workplace organization has contributed
greatly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
remaining indoors more than what was obtainable in the past.
Presently
, numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their staff to work from home and this is something that was erstwhile absent in the workplace setup. This
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the length of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
these employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be away from home.

Undoubtedly
, this development has impacted
significantly
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Owing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending preponderance amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
available to them indoors, they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
burgeoningly
growing lonely.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend bulk of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home watching television, they hardly have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to socialize with their peers.
Consequently
, the number of lonely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has increased.
Also
, this has culminated in rising health concern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Researches have shown that humans are social animals that if isolated for extended duration,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. This results in mental challenge problems, which is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become driven to insanity and suicidal thoughts when incarcerated over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The enormous cost of managing these problems is a serious drawback for nations around the world such as Lithuania where suicide rate has reportedly snowballed
for this reason
.

In conclusion
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious reasons that
are examined
in this article, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living apart from others by spending more of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home has led to having huge population of lonely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and surging mental health concern
that is
having damaging effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, concerted effort should
be made
by everyone in order to forestall this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay People now spend more and more time at home than in the past. What are the reasons for this development and what its effects on people and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
415 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts