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Some believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. Do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. v. 1
Some people believe that teenagers should be asked to do community work in their leisure time because of their benefits and the community's benifits. In my point of view, i partly agree with the opinion that the youth should take part in some community work. In the one hand, joining unpaid community work provides to teenagers many usefull experiences. They need to do some physical jobs that they do not do before such as cleaning the dirty roads, helping poor people in public area, . . . In addition, they not only realize the purpose of their lives and how lucky they are, but the youth also develop some necessary soft skills such as teamwork, communication. For example, if young people join a campain that provide foods for homeless people at midnight, they could have chances to see that how lucky they are when they have their own house or still have their families, which makes them appreciate everything that they have already had. In the other side, doing unpaid social work depends on their choices; therefore, requirement the teenagers for doing it is not necessary. Besides doing social work, they have a range of works that they want to do in their leisure time. For instance, in their free time, they tend to do some hobbies or follow their passion such as drawing, painting or singing that could help them develop their own skills and unwind stress instead of doing the community work. To sum up, doing unpaid social work will benifits for teenagers and the community in various ways. Hovewer, parents should ecounrage them to take part in and let them choose what they want to do rather than requiring them to do it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should
be asked
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their leisure time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their benefits and the community's
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
. In my point of view,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that the youth should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work.

In the one hand, joining unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
provides to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
usefull
experiences. They need to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical jobs that they do not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
such as cleaning the dirty roads, helping poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in public area
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
In addition
, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
realize the purpose of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and how lucky they are,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the youth
also
develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessary soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork, communication.
For example
, if young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
campain
that provide foods for homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at midnight, they could have chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that how lucky they are when they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or
still
have their families, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them appreciate everything that they have already had.

In the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
unpaid social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
depends on their choices;
therefore
, requirement the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
it is not necessary.
Besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they have a range of works that they want to do in their leisure time.
For instance
, in their free time, they tend to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hobbies or follow their passion such as drawing, painting or singing that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and unwind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
unpaid social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in various ways.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hovewer
, parents should
Possible spelling mistake found.
ecounrage
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them choose what they want to do
rather
than requiring them to do it.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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