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Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society? v.2

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society? v. 2
Due to close proximity of buildings and high population nowadays Cityside is mostly occupied and well developed with no space for any new homes. While some people think that it is the right time to stop building new homes in the countryside, I believe in those who feel that building new homes in rural areas help in development for three main reasons. Firstly, Due to improvement in modern day technology while building new home maximum renewable energy can be used. While I concede the fact that deforestation can be reduced by not building new homes, I would argue that effective use of resources and methods help in reduction of cutting trees. For example, the solar powered rooftop can be easily installed due to the availability of space which in turn provides necessary electricity for the home as well to charge any electric cars, also usage of electric cars which run on battery helps in protection of environment of countryside greatly. Another reason is traffic congestion. Although it is undeniable that urban areas are more congested with traffic in each and every street, unavailability of space continues to increase the congestion rather than improving it. But this situation can be improved in undeveloped areas by building wider roads and bigger parking facilities when building new homes. The space availability assists us with the effective usage of available land area. In addition to that, proper infrastructure planning can be done at the high level to utilize key areas for any building. Finally, when new houses were built in an effective way it helps in enhancing the economy of the country. Let me explain in detail, when new houses were built the real estate businesses grows due to which retail shops emerge which is directly related to overall facility improvement such as the addition of hospitals, schools, religious spots and sports facilities in those areas. Because of the development in those areas economies of the country can be enriched so that a country can prosper for any new opportunities. In conclusion, not only building new homes in remote areas help in improving the economy, but also due to modern day technology reduce deforestation and improve traffic congestion. Therefore, I disagree with those people who believe that it is more important to protect countryside rather that building new homes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to
Consider using "proximity".
close proximity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and high population nowadays
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cityside
is
mostly
occupied and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the right time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in the countryside, I believe in those who feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in development for three main reasons.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to improvement in modern day technology while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
home maximum renewable energy can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. While I concede the fact that deforestation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
, I would argue that effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of resources and methods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in reduction of cutting trees.
For example
, the solar powered rooftop can be
easily
installed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
which in turn provides necessary electricity for the home
as well
to charge any electric cars,
also
usage of electric cars which run on battery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in protection of environment of countryside
greatly
.

Another reason is traffic congestion. Although it is undeniable that urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are more congested with traffic in each and every street, unavailability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
continues to increase the congestion
rather
than improving it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this situation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
wider roads and bigger parking facilities when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
availability assists us with the effective usage of available land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
In addition
to that, proper infrastructure planning can
be done
at the high level to utilize key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for any building.

Finally
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
were built
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in enhancing the economy of the country.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in detail, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
were built
the real estate businesses grows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to which retail shops emerge which is
directly
related to
overall
facility improvement such as the addition of hospitals, schools, religious spots and sports facilities in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the development in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
economies of the country can
be enriched
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a country can prosper for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in improving the economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to modern day technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
deforestation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
traffic congestion.
Therefore
, I disagree with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to protect countryside
rather
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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